A Little Bit of Everything

It is really hard to believe that we are already half-way through the semester. It still feels like just yesterday I was unloading bags and boxes from my car and heading down to the hole. This year is flying by at a much faster rate than last, however I can think of many reasons why last year seemed to go by at a snails pace. I don't mind the fast paced life though, actually I almost prefer it. To a point. Lately it seems that it is getting to be a little out of hand but tonight I think I will finally have a few minutes to relax. :] Unless of course I decide to go watch R-Ball with Tim and some others from the team tonight. I have been spending pretty much all of my free time, and even some time that isn't free, either on the courts or with the people from the team. Yummy.

I have been thinking a lot about possibly studying abroad for one semester next year. I am not really sure how it would work out with my major, but I really want to get out of this country sometime. And when I say get out, I do not mean Canada. I have come to the conclusion that at some point in my life, preferably while still in college, I am going to backpack Europe. I just have the urge to get out there and explore. Back to studying abroad...If I decided to do that, I think that Spain would be my location of choice. Since my great-grandfather was from Spain I have just always felt some kind of connection there. I still remember being little and listening to his stories and asking him to teach me some simple Spanish words. O the good old days.

After classes today, Julie and I are going shopping at the outlets for Jon's birthday and of course probably for ourselves. I still haven't used my 50% Gap discount for the month so I need to get on that. Then I have a tennis match at 3:30 and another at 4:10 tonight. After dinner maybe I will get some R-Ball in and then who knows what I will have going on tonight. Going to bed early and watching Grey's are certainly on the top of my list though. Tomorrow is quite an unfortunate day however since I have to be up early for Jazz Band. Then I have R-Ball until 11:00, grab a quick lunch, and head off to work until 10:30 tomorrow night. Gross. Then Sunday will be a day of studying and a the madness begins again. You just have to make it through one week at a time. Each week I hope that maybe the next will be easier but that is always wishful thinking. I was looking at my schedule for the rest of the semester the other day and I found one week in November that potentially looks like the week from hell. I have an SSFT paper due, physics homework, and tests in physics, calculus, and organic. That will be interesting to say the least. Alright, since I am in class right now and I should be working on some problem it might be a wise decision for me to end it here. I hope you all have great weekends! The End.

900 Miles Across PA

If anyone has looked at my facebook picture recently you will notice that my most recent photo album shares the same title. Well for all of you stalkers who are curious let me tell you that there is truth to that statement. In only 3 days I traveled over 900 miles throughout the grand old state of Pennsylvania. Let's just say that it may come close to the best 900 miles I have ever traveled. It started with Kara, Tex, Chris and I all piled into a 1991 Ford something-or-other on our way to Allentown for the first R-Ball Tournament of the semester. A good chunk of the trip was spent with Chris teaching us how to play this word game that only Grovers would play on their weekend off campus. I am afraid to even talk about the game for fear of being judged and deemed a geek. Eventually we reached our first destination, Tim's sisters house, for the first night. That night was mainly spent playing Euchre and watching Remember the Titans. I don't even remember what time we ended up going to bed, but the morning came all too fast.

Friday came and went. And when it went I was up 2-0 after beating the pants off of some girls from who knows what college and another girl from West Point. Hoo-Rah! Friday night we arrived at Ariels house around 1:00a.m. and I did not end up going to sleep until at least 2:30 or so. Once again it was an early morning as we had to be out of the house by 6:30. Well Saturday came and went and by that point I was 2-2 after 2 crushing defeats delivered by Penn State. :[ They were good. Scary good.


Saturday night we spent at Oliver's house. That was possibly the best night of the trip. Us girls all stayed up extremely late talking about anything and everything, mainly boys of course. It was pretty much a giant sleepover and I felt 13 again. And then all too quickly Sunday was upon us! It was a long day filled with unexpected wins, broken faces, and upsetting losses delivered by none other than Penn State. The ride back to school was a long one, but fun nonetheless. I slept a lot, ate Tim's candy corn, and was appointed the team masseuse.

Anyways, enough about my quest to become a pro r-ball player. Aside from that life has been crazy. I can't remember the last time I got a sufficient amount of sleep. The stress has been crazy and I haven't really been able to focus too well since there are too many things on my mind. I know that everything will be okay eventually and that the decisions I have made the past week have been the right ones. The Lord is so faithful!

My relationship with the Lord is suddenly on take-off mode. I haven't felt this close to Him in a long time. I feel like so much has just kind of fallen apart around me that I don't have much left to cling to. The past few years I just have not felt God's presence no matter how hard I tried. But now, for some reason I just know He is with me and He is surrounding me with His love. More than ever I am just thirsty for His Word and just enjoying worshiping him with every one of my actions. I am beginning to see evidence of His blessings and faithfulness everywhere that I look and I just can't help but smile. :]

As a result of all of these happenings, Grove City suddenly does not seem like such a bad place. I am actually happy here! Amen! Maybe this is the school that I am supposed to be at, and who knows...Maybe college will become the best years of my life. I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I really just can't even express how exciting I am to see what the Lord has in store for me down the road. Whatever it may be, I am ready and willing.

The Wobbly Wheel on a Pentacycle

It is ironic that there are not even devices called pentacycles, because that is how I feel right now. Kind of non-existent. Kind of. And if there were pentacycles I am the wobbly fifth wheel...The one that needed to be thrown on or else it wouldn't be a pentacycle but the designer did not really have a use for it. I am trying to make sense of everything that has happened to me over the past year, this whole college experience. I have said over and over again that I can not see this as being "the best years of my life." And I have been trying. I really have.

This school is one of the toughest to be at because they endorse dating and relationships so much. When you are dating someone outside of the Grove City bubble things can be extremely challenging. I am craving relationships right now, with girlfirends that is. I feel so alone here. Living in the mole hole was a bad idea. All the girls from my hall last year are in MEP which would be the place to begin building relationships. Since I am not living there it makes things a bit more difficult.

I joined the racquetball club this week and there a bunch of girls there that maybe I can get to know. Hopefully. It is hard because I feel like despite any of the activites I get involved in, all the girls have their own groups of friends already. Sure they may say hello when they pass me on their way to class, but they are not about to go out of their way to invite me over for a movie or just to hang out.

Living here I just feel like an inconvience. I am the "back up plans". Maybe I am just being overly dramatic. I am just unsre how much more of watching the couple stuff go on I can take. I have only spend 4 weeks on this horrid campus! And two of those weekends I spent in the comfort of my own home.

And the schoolwork! Don't even get me started! I spend hours and hours doing work...partly because I have nothing better to do...yet I have nothing to show for it. I am not doing well in any of my classes really. At least not as well as I would like to be doing. Grove City has taken my academic career and screwed me over. Coming in as a freshman I could have been whatever I wanted, gotten in to almost any school that I wanted to and now....Now I can not even get into Geneseo! A state school! I regret coming here everyday...While there are moments that I enjoy it thinking maybe things will be okay, I don't think there is one day that I would ever say that I would do this over again. Never.

Alright. My pitty party needs to end. I will probably be drowning away my sorrows in a few episodes of Gilmore Girls. Thanking God that my life is not quite that complicated. Until next time...

Learning How To Swim

Holy smokes! I did not think that it had been that long since the last time I blogged! May 29th, 2008 and it is now September 17th, 2008. I guess I can be happy that it is still 2008. Reading that last post I can help but laugh at what I talked my expectations for the summer. Working at the nursing home, playing the Sims, and just hanging out around the house were among the things that I discussed. I am beginning to learn that have too many expectations can often lead to disappointment, not that my summer was disappointing. It is just that often times when you expect that something will turn out a certain way, something completely different and unexpected will happen. This is not always disappointing, you just have to go with the flow. But where do I begin now? So much to talk about and only half of a physics class left to type my life away.

Well the summer was pretty amazing, we can start there. I did not end up working at the nursing home, instead I returned to what was familiar to me, catering to the whims and needs to hungry customers. I did not even work there that much, only when they needed me to fill in. So is terms of money making, I believe I spent more than I made.

Much of the summer was spent hanging out with Benjamin and friends. :] Ashley Farner, or should I say Moran, and I hung out quite a bit and caught up on each others lives. Much like old times, when she was just a sophomore in college and I was still in high school. It is strange to think that now I am the sophomore and she is out in the real world getting married and doing things of that nature. O time, where have you gone?!

The summer came and went in a blink of an eye and before I knew it I was packing up my things and heading off to Grove City College, the giant swimming pool of my life. Tennis camp came and went, and when I say went I mean that ship sailed without me on it. It was disappointing considering all of the time and money that went into tennis this summer. I have been thinking about it, and maybe next year I will try again. Maybe this year there was a reason I didn't make it. I am not exactly sure of that reason yet, although I have an idea. I suppose I am just supposed to get involved in other things on campus. I must say that not having tennis certainly frees up a lot of time.

I recently got a job at The Gap at the outlets! My first day is this afternoon actually so I am pretty excited. I have also been working at the bowling alley quite a bit and doing ticket sales at the football games. I am going to try and get involved in a few different things going on around campus because I really need to get out and meet new people and such. I recently talked to my Physics lab T.A. about joining racquetball club so I am going to be adding that to my list of things to do. Hopefully I will meet some decent people through that. I am also continuing my jazz band experience at Grove City College. Which reminds me...I really need to order some new reeds.

Anyways, I am really just not in the mood to blog anymore and really not in a good mood at all actually. So I am going end it here. Hopefully I will find time to write another one sometime soon, but as always...No promises.

Could It Be An Addiction?

My days lately have been spent in a variety of ways. I have been working out to the maximum amount. So much so that by 9:00 each night I am ready for bed. For example, yesterday I began the day with a 3.5 mile run down to the school. I then proceeded to play about an hour of tennis before heading home around 4:00. Then again around 7:00 Ben and I went to play another hour of tennis. Thus has been my life lately.
I guess I don't like just sitting around the house all day. So I have been trying to get out as much as possible. Which has led to spending significant amounts of money in the process. Well, kind of. At least I have gotten a great paying job! I am going to be a Certified Nurses Assistant working at the nursing home. Old people...Not what I want to spend forever doing, but I'll deal. At least I'll be allowed to treat them and do stuff medically. And I getting certified so I'll be able to take that and run with it next year. I just have to put up with wiping Mr.Harold and helping Betty take a shower for the summer. For $12 an hour, I can deal.
I have been playing the Sims 2 quite a bit lately as well. It's an addicting thing, especially when you have practically all of the expansion packs. I am not going to lie though. This whole sitting at home thing is getting a little old so I think when the time comes around I will be ready to get back to school.
But now I am watching Season 1 of Gilmore Girls. Wonderful. And I have a secret source with the next 6 or so season lined up. :] So this might become my newest addiction. Who knows?

God's Little Joke

Thats what this year was. Freshman year, completely not what I expected it to be. In June of last year I was extremely excited to know that Jenna Cooper and I had found each other and had formulated the plans to be roommates. Then about a month later we received an e-mail that said some girl named Rebekah Long was also going to be rooming with us, a forced triple. For all of you that don't know what that means:
Our room should be a double, but they decided to take out a single bed, throw in a bunk, add an extra dresser, desk, and closet and allow three lucky girls to call it home.
As you can imagine, it has been a crowded year. When all three of us are in the room trying to get stuff done I usually leave because I can't handle it.
Anyways, back to the story. Rebekah Long. A little disappointing at first. I spent the next month facebook stalking her and diligently reading her blog. I found out a few things that made an interesting impression:
1. She is one of 11 kids.
2. She was home schooled.
3. She wrote a post wondering why girls should ever wear pants, and it would be better if we all just wore dresses all the time.
Being the skeptic that I am, I was terrified.
So move in day for my roommates arrives. First impressions are decent I think. We all seemed to get along at first, pretty much because we had no choice. We didn't know anyone else, and all we had was each other. A few weeks go by and it didn't take Rebekah and I long to start questioning how we were going to live with this Jenna Cooper. The months passed, and everyday brought a different emotion. Sometimes we were all fine and dandy, other days we just all hated each other. I guess that happens when you live with two other people.
So, first semester came and went and now the second semester begins. Rebekah and I are getting closer and closer and Jenna just seems to do her own thing. We had some good times with that one we did. When it comes down to it I really enjoyed this year. I learned more than just Biology and Humanities, but rather many tiny life lessons. Some of them were sad, some hard, and others joyful.
I could not imagine ever having to go through this year without Rebekah. I am sure I would have survived, but I don't believe I would have learned as much as I did. We had a lot of fun laughing, crying, whispering, and talking together. Now we are ex-roommates, but next year will sill be great. I am only a hop, skip, and a step up the stairs away.
So now I am home. Sitting on my couch, rotting my brain away with a movie and playing on the computer as much as my eyes will allow. Seeing Benjamin all of the time is by far going to be the best part of being home. :] We hung out tonight and of course we will tomorrow. Tomorrow should be fun though because I got asked to come back and play t-sax with my high schools jazz ensemble for this middle school showcase thing. So Benjamin will be jammin' on trombone and me on the sax, just like the good old times.
Alright I am getting sleepy, and this post is long. Just wanted to give a recap of this year and let everyone know that I am offically home for the summer. Amen to being a sophomore.

In Need of a Good Ctrl + Alt + Delete

My brain is completely on overdrive. It's much like my my pigs brains after trying to remove it from the skull. Mush. I am sitting here in the library staring at the 600 pages of Molecular Biology in front of me, all of which need to be studied for the test tomorrow. Eff that. I just completely went into overdrive mode, because my brain was trying to take on too much at one time. I was trying to unplug John's computer, plug in my charger, and plug in my phone, all while being chirped at by Julie to inseret her jelly green ear bud into the side of my face. My brain gave out for a slight moment while I tried thinking about everything going on. Where were a few moments there where I just rocked back and forth because I didn't know where to go, too many programs were running at once.

Thats how I feel here quite often. Anyways, this might be the last blog for a little while. I mean maybe not, but there are no promises. At least for the next week, because finals are going to be kicking my butt.

So this weekend. Boring as all hell let me tell you. I am still not sure that I am making the right decision by staying here, but we'll see. If things don't get better after next semester I might have to peace out. Hanging out with Julie is fun and all, but aside from her I really have no one. So the weekend was spent alone, because she has John. That is totally understandable though. If I had a boyfriend I would be hanging out with him as well. It's just hard because I feel like no matter how hard I try people are still being idiots about Julie and I roomming together next year. So this weekend was hard. Friday night, Becca saved me and invited me to go to Lisa and Gretchen's room to watch Enchanted. That was fun. But last night I was just really upset and went to bed at 10:00 because I had nothing better to do. Lame. I know.

For the rest of the week I will be spending some quality time with the library. The days will be wasted away, filled with biology, chemistry, humanities, and education. Well, kind of. Julie and decided that the next few days before the final fun actually begins we are going to rot our brains slightly. This will be done with mass amount of movies as well as popcorn and some not-so-good for you food. This fun starts tonight, despite the tests tomorrow. Not even Dr. Sodegren and his 8 chapters of Biology can stop us on our final nights of freshman year.

I suppose I should be going now though. Movie fun begins in 1.5 hours! Good luck with finals everyone!

Circles So Large My Face Might Turn Black

This is it, the final 100 in the 3,000 meter haul. You have steadily pushed yourself along for the first 2800m, and now it is time to give all that you have left in hopes of pushing ahead that extra two seconds. In the midst of the race you had those little bursts of energy as someone tried to pass you, but those were only midterms. But this, this is it. All or nothing baby! I can't help but think about the lack of sleep that lies ahead. And it all starts tonight. With less than eight days until my first final, it is time to kick it in. I took the time last night to finish reading my Nicholas Sparks book and watch last weeks Grey's episode. That was my last night of true relaxation for the next eleven days. Honestly I don't even know what I am doing blogging right now when I have so much to do.

My life for the next week and a half will consist of ( appearing in order of time spent) studying, eating, working out, sleeping. I am doing all of this in hopes of a decent GPA this semester (of course). After these next few days though I will be home free! I will be busting out of this place and never looking back. Happy that I have a summer to get away from the people. I have decided that if things do not get better after the first month or so I am just going to go to UB.

What else is there to talk about? Life has been dull lately. No romantic scandals, not much friend drama (aside from the fact that I have pretty much no friends here anyways), and nothing new. Well...There is one thing but Julie and I are going to try and keep it on the D.L. until it actually happens. Then we will just shock the pants off of everyone.

This weekend is parents weekend! My daddy and sister are coming out on Saturday for my jazz band concert. If you are around you best be coming because I have this quartet solo type thing. Starts at 1:30 in Pew. Speaking of saxophone, next year, this girl is going to be auditioning for the jazz ensemble not stage band. I am going to have to work extremely hard this summer because John is really good, but from what I hear its not always about skill. When it comes to the attitude of playing and not being cocky about it, I believe I have the upper hand.

O yes, and as promised days ago: A few photos from the mural that I painted in the baby's room:

Let me know what you think kids!

Just Turn On Your Faucet

I don't know if I have the words to exactly describe this weekend. It was many things, all good though. Where to begin? I guess Friday is a good place to start:

We left campus around 3:00 with a grumpy Dick and some awkward girl. The ride home was quiet though, because we were all tired. After arriving at home, I gave Julie a tour of my house and then we went out for her first fish fry down at Olympia. I believe that she thoroughly enjoyed that fishy. After that we went to the baseball game down at the high school where they were losing 10 - 0. O yes. Good ol' G-Town sports...How I missed them. Then the good part: Midnight bowling! Julie got to experience a little piece of the bowling craze in WNY. She did well too, and was impressed by Ben's mad skills. Emma also came with us which was nice because I had not seen her since all this shit hit the fan. We then took Julie to Timmy Ho's for the first time where we got doughnuts and caffeine. Her first time and she wins a coffee on roll up the rim. Not a boat like she was hoping for, but a winner all the same. Beginners luck.

Next came Saturday:

We slept as long as we could before being awakened because we needed to go to Wal Mart. I think we made more trips to Wal Mart this weekend than I ever have made in such a short amount of time. After all of this, we went to Ashley's to finish painting some grass on the mural and finally to the baby shower. It was a good time. Surrounding myself with all this baby makes me want one desperately. I clearly know I am not ready for that yet, because we all know what needs to happen for a baby to enter into my care. I have been thinking about the parenting idea. It seems almost scary that anyone can just get pregnant and then have this little life suddenly in their possession. That is such a big responsibility, and anyone can take it on. It's almost not fair to that child. Most people that get pregnant outside of marriage are in no ways qualified to take care of a life outside of their own. Parenting is a greater responsibility than many things in life, like driving, college, or working, because its not just our own life you are worrying about. At least when you go to college or get your licence there is something that you have to do to make sure that you are qualified. Parenting, heck you could be living on the streets, get pregnant, and 9 months later BAM you have a child! Scary.

Well that was a really random tangent. Anyways, after the baby shower we went to my dad's for a BBQ rib dinner and some good times. Then, the highlight of our weekend Niagara Falls! It was so cute watching Julie get all excited to watch some water flow over a cliff. She was like a little kid on Christmas! We then drove back to my house to watch Sweeny Todd with Benjamin. I'm sure it was a good movie, but I spent two hours falling asleep in Benjamin's arms. It was cute. :] Can't say there are many things better than that.

Last but not least came Sunday:

First things first, church. Hm. That was an interesting series of events. It was good, but I was a little scared since my mother spent 20 minutes after church talking to someones parents in the church office. I guess they were just curious as to what happened since I never picked him up from the airport last weekend. At least that is all I could get out of my mother. I already have one set of parent's hating me, the last thing I need is another one, especially not this one. The rest of Sunday was spent hanging out at my house until Dick finally called giving us the time and location for pick-up. It was a boring ride home, and Dick was still acting sour. :[

Now it's back to school for the next two weeks and if there has ever been a time to it the books, this is it. I am planning on living in the library for the next 14 nights, drinking large amounts of coffee, and studying hard. I am beginning to regret some of my decisions not to apply myself as much as a I could be (as I sit in class and write this post), but I really think I am going to start trying. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that I hate being in my room. The weather here is also going to be extremely conducive to studying since the 10-day forecast calls for rain almost every day. This is going to be a very demanding time, and I am looking forward to going home for the summer and sleeping for hours and hours.

Well this post has gotten long enough and I should probably start paying attention now. Enjoy your weeks!

1,000 Feet Beet Below the Surface

No, you are not mistaken. The wonderful Julie Lane and I will be living underground next year. What about the rumors you ask? That it is in those rooms that girls have committed suicide. Well I believe that only adds to the suspense. Together we will read books such as The Guardian and watch movies like Sweeney Todd. Sure we may be scared out of our pants, but at least we will still have each other. Lately I have come to realize that we are extremely similar in many ways. For example, all we have is each other and a boy. Those relationships and a future OBGYN practice are about all we have going for ourselves at the moment. I kid you not.

Can we just talk about how stressful this past week was?! Not necessarily stressful with work, but with room draw and scheduling classes. Classes, o boy. We spent two hours in the computer lab with about 50 other students trying to log onto the network. It was a hellish nightmare. We were able to successfully get all of our classes though, even if they weren't at the preferred times. After scheduling we walked our way down to Sun Gins. O Victor...

He made us drink his iced green tea, because he claimed it would help us "pass our dinner" if you know what I mean. It was delicious I must say, and rather addicting. Maybe it was packed with some of that opium that the Chinese are oh so famous for.

We called by baby brother on the way back from Sun Gins, because today is his 3rd birthday. Oh he is just the cutest thing! I got on the phone and wished him happy birthday, but that was not enough. He procedded to say, "I thought you were going to sing to me?!" So of course all three of us sang, not very well I must confess.

I wish I could write more, but I am out of things to talk about. That and I really must stop wasting precious time in the library on this post and start working on a Biology lab report. Hope tomorrow proves to be a happy friday!

I Can See A Speck

Slowly, day by day, the light at the end of the tunnel is widening. For the first time I am beginning to see that the end is near. Finally! What made be see all of this you ask? Today marked the end of Chemistry lab and the end of saxophone lessons. While I still have one last lab report and have to appear next week for checkout, all the work is essentially done. Saxophone lessons are offically over. No more practicing, not that I did much anyways, and no more stressing out because I didn't practice. Biology lab is also finished, for the most part. It just doesn't feel like it yet because I still have two lab reports to finish. Another big indication of the end is everything that is going on this week in terms of preparation for next year. Room draw is tonight, and class regisration is on Thursday.

I could not be more excited for this year to be over and a new one to begin. Most importantly, I need to get out of this room. I am going to run out the door, arms wide open, accepting summer like a long lost friend, and never once will I look back. You couldn't pay me enough to repeat this year. All I pray is that next year will be much better. I think it should be...Next year everyone will have paired off with a person much like themselves. This year is just tough because you are surrounded by people you might not usually talk to. And this being Grove City...Well lets just say that those people are numerous.

So thanks to Julie I have discovered some really great music lately. Owl City, listen to them...I highly recommend it. I have found that music has that ability to just kind of take me away from everything going on around me. I relieves a lot of stress. In this room however, I am not allowed to really listen to music. I feel as though it is frowned upon because I get asked to turn off everytime I have it on.

The Fiver Letter D-Word

You know there is a problem when the first word said to you after reentering the Grove City College campus is "drama." No joke. As I walked up the four flights of stairs required to reach the second floor and turned the corner onto the hallway, my roommate stood there on the phone, looked at me, rolled her eyes and proclaimed that five letter d-word. I thought that maybe leaving for the weekend, all of the problems here would magically disappear. Needless to say, I thought wrong. Granted her drama is much different from anything going on within these campus limits, but it still makes this room a stressful place to be. Like I said in a previous post, you never know what's going to happen when you crack open the door of room 268.

Sometimes I wonder who lived in this room before us. What went on? Did everyone get along or was this room always so tense? I have decided that this room does not fit my personality at all. While I want to get out, party a little, act a little crazy, this room just screams at me to settle down, close the door, and act conservatively. Disgusting. Next year though..O baby you better watch out. My room is going to be filled with gangsta rap, dance parties, and pure fun. College is supposed to be fun, not a time to settle down.

My days of skanking it up are indeed over. That was short lived, but fun for the 4 days that it lasted. I can still have fun. I don't really need to be a skank to have fun. Besides, the guys here don't even understand the concept of being remotely skanky. I quickly learned that these guys don't want to get close to you at all unless there is a chance you could marry them. They won't even dance really. At the dance marathon, I mainly danced with Sadie and Julie because the guys felt the need to stand in a circle next to us and do their own thing. That's fine with me now, I've already found what I am looking for.

I should probably tell you all about this weekend. Most of my time was spent painting a mural or with Benjamin. It was a good weekend. The mural came out pretty well I think, at least it did for my first real mural. I am going to ask Ashley to take some pictures and then I'll post them up on here eventually. Then of course, Ben and I hung out the whole weekend. We stayed at my house the whole time, because I am scared of his. I am going to stay away as long as possible and let him fix things there. We are back together I suppose, but some people aren't going to find that out for a little while.

Alright, I do have some work that I need to get done here before Biology lab. Hopefully everyone had good weekends! <3

Kissing Under an Audience of Stars

It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. How I ever let him go to begin with I just have no idea. To be completely honest, I think it needed to happen. I am certainly more in love with him now, because I never realized what I had. I never realized that most other guys are not like Ben, that he is one in a million, and he chose me. This love is so much different than anything else. It's not even that mushy, I like you when the moment strikes kind of love. That's what it might have been before. It's hard to describe. Instead of that young naive love, its more of a...I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay with you no matter how hard. I want to be with you and only you forever, and I want to be there for everything that you go through.

Last night was really amazing. Everytime I looked at Ben I just could not help but smile. Probably the greatest thing about sitting back and watching him, is watching him play with John. It just might be the cutest thing I have ever seen. They were dancing together last night, and watching them 'shake it', was one of the greatest things I had seen in a while. He is going to make an amazing dad someday that is for sure.

Anyways, for those of you who are not feeling in such a way I will move onto a different topic, because you probably think I am crazy.

It is a great feeling to be home. Unfortunately I can't really go running since all of my sports bras have been left at school. I am itching to run too, but I really just can't do it. O well, I am going to do an ab workout and go for a long walk later. At least I will be doing something that way. Later, I am heading back over to Ashley's house to work on the mural in the baby's room. We got more done yesterday than I was expecting. I sketched everything out and then I got the tree trunk mostly finished along with some base coats on the dog house and the dog. I am really excited about the finished product, and I will be sure to put some picture up on here when it is all finished.

It is funny to come home after being gone for a little while. At least here, there have been a lot of minor changes around the house. It's nice though. My car is in the driveway and being worked on right this moment. I am extremely anxious to learn how to drive it since it is a standard. It might be a little rocky to start out with.

Well, I suppose I should probably get moving. I need to do some abs, shower, and go for a walk with Benjamin. Then the painting begins! Hopefully tonight after it is all finished I will be able to come home and relax. I hope everyone has an enjoyable Saturday. And for all you Grovers, enjoy the Gala!

Singeing My Fingertips

Yes, I am currently outside roasting like a rotisserie chicken on a stick. My fingertips are burning as I pound away at these jet black computer keys in an attempt to update the world on my life. This weather is beautiful! And while I came out here with the intention of studying for a Chemistry exam, I was overwhelmed with the need to broadcast this beauty to the world. For all of you not yet in college...I would only recommend studying outside if you have a minimal amount of work. For example, if you have a big test the next day: Don't Go Outside! Maybe I should take my own advice. Anyways, I can't stop smiling as I look around me to see dozens of other skanks laying here trying to get a tan. Notice I did say "other skanks." I've got the skanky shorts on, tank top, hair blowing in the wind. As the great Julie Lane would say, "The only way this could be any better is if I had some sand, water, and a pina colada."

Things are looking up from this side of the fence. They are slightly rocky of course, but nothing that a summer can not heal. You know, I enjoy writing so much maybe I am in the wrong major. Put the prospect of someday delivering babies really appeals to me, and I just don't think I can let that go. At least not for some crappy desk job writing up obituaries or wedding announcements. Yum.

While this blog started out happy and cheery, and it still kind of is for me, for other people things have taken an unexpected change. This week has taught me that you never really know when you will hit rock bottom. You may think you are there, that the only way to go is up, but further trials may come your way. There are however, two things that you can always be sure of
1. God will never test you with more than you can handle. If everything seems to be going wrong, know that you can and will pull through.
2. There will always, and I mean always, be someone who has it worse than you. You think you are struggling, I think the once stable, now widowed, homeless mother would love to be in your position. Just remember, it could always be worse.

There is warriors tonight, and that is reason for great rejoicing. It is so powerful, and every week I leave there completely rejuvenated. Nothing can beat worship in a dark room, music blasting, and hands raised. Can I get an Amen?

Tomorrow I go home! In many ways I am very excited about it, but I am also starting to really enjoy myself here. Next year when we all have cars it will be rather enjoyable. Alright, the creative juices are starting to run out, and all I want to do is lay down and bake for the next half hour. So that is precisely what I am going to do. Until we meet again...

Manure and Freshly Mowed Grass

Ahh yes...The smells of campus on a spring day. I have come to really appreciate them, yes even the maure. It reminds me of the hot summer days in middle school and high school that my mom would send me outside to spread mulch on the garden. Every year, without fail, I get sucked into performing such mundane tasks. I would always complain, but really the whole feeling of it all is quite exhilierating. Maybe I just think that now because I am missing summer. I can't wait to spend my days laying outside on the tampoline, reading novels, playing tennis, and not having a care in the world. Thats what its all about right there.

Mostly I just need to get away from here. I feel like I am trapped in a soap opera that moves slowly and never ends. Next year will be better because it will be more of a fresh start and maybe everyone will be freinds again. I have realized more than ever lately...The whole chicks before dicks rule..Clearly doesn't apply here. Drives me crazy! People are talking behind each others backs and betraying each other left and right. O well..I'm just watching from the sidelines.

Things at home are going to be stressful too because of everything with Ben that has gone down this past week. I just don't think its going to be as bad as here though. I can handel that. We are hopefully going midnight bowling and playing tennis while I am home. If worse comes to worse we'll just chill...

These next few days I really need to buckle down and get some serios studying and work done. I feel like I am not always applying myself as much as I should be. :-\ So yes...That will be my goal for the next 4 weeks. Because...That is all that is left here! Woot! Next year will be so much better. My roommate situation will be so amazing and I won't be in a freaking forced triple. Gross. That should not even be allowed. When all three of us are in the room it is way too crowded. Anyways scince I am sitting here in Chem at the moment I should probably get going. Happy Hump Day!

Sick and Tired...Literally

To top of the last week...I am now sick. Things start slightly looking up and then, bam, I have a cold, sore throat, and a fever. O well, I'll get over it eventually. I am skipping my saxophone lesson, because the last thing I want to do is blow into that thing. Yum. I do have band later though. Eh. Anyways, emotionally things have been looking up for the most part. At least they have on my side of things. There is still school drama I suppose. I am not sure...People are just causing drama for no apparent reason. But really..Whatev. They can all get over themselves already. We are in freaking college here folks..Not 7th grade.

I am really excited to go home this next weekend! Finally! It is going to be a much needed break. Ben and I will be hanging out of course. That should be interesting. We'll see how that goes. I also think I am going to be painting a mural in Ashley's nursery! Hopefully that works out okay since I have really painted since last year. O how I miss it! I was looking at taking drawing and painting here, but I was looking at the class online and it is already freaking full! They only let 5 people take it! 5! Thats absurd!

Lets see what else is going on? I did figure out my schedule for next year. I am not taking any Biology classes next semester even though I am a Biology major. Haha. I have to take Physics and O-Chem for my science classes. Should be a good time. I also believe that I am going to try and minor in Chem since I will really only need to take like 2 extra classes. Yesterday, Julie and I decided on our new carrer paths. The plan is to become OBGYN's and open our own practice. To be very honest, I think that being a gyno would be a good time. Someone has to do it. Haha. I have pretty much given up on the whole teaching thing since I really don't think I would be comfortable standing in front of an entire classroom of kids all the time. I couldn't handel it. This summer I am really hoping to get a job down at the doctors office! It would be a really great job just to get some experience in, and of course I will need the money now that I have a car to pay for.

Well...This didn't seem like a very productive or powerful post. But I don't have much more to write so I should probably get going and take a nap before running and band. Hope everyone is having productive weeks!

All Problems Involve A Penis

I stonglybelieve that in all ways a penis in involved at the heart of all of a girls problems. It's just really annoying sometimes. At the same time though...It is the guys that tend the keep the girls sane. We might have all killed each other by now if we didn't have those guys friends to sit, listen, and talk us out of doing anything too rash. But then again...If there were no guys..What would girls fight about? Think about it.


This is college people. Get over yourselves already. I'm sick of this. I just wish everyone could be happy and get along, but some people...Ew. They just think they are at the center of the freaking world. Gag me. I have tried to stay out of the drama. Personally I haven't really gotten involved. I just sit on the sidelines taking it all in, observing, and forming my own opinions and conclusions. If some people could just get over themselves already! Maybe I just can't stand overly social people...That might be the case. Instead of sitting back and listening to other people for once they are constantly in the spotlight, worrying only about themselves. It makes me sick. Those are the relationships I tend to abandon as soon as possible.


So not only is there problems on the homefront, things here at school are taking some unexpected twists. I just want to go home now. Away from all of this drama and these stuck up Grover people. Right at this moment the only thing I want to do is go for a long run. Running is the one thing I can do to clear my mind. Breathing heavy, nothing ahead but the road, seat pouring down my back, heart racing, and all of my problems can just flow right down through my feet and onto the pavement. And thats where it stays. My track coach used to tell me to leave everything on the track. It doesn't matter what you are facing at school, at home, at church...Leave it all on the track and never look back.

Blogging has been another escape lately. At least here I know some of my thoughts are being heard. People listen here, even if they don't agree with anything I am saying. If something is wrong I'll just blog about it. I know coming back to these blogs in a few years I won't be able to do anything but laugh about them. I mean lets think about this...In about 5 years, I will have so much more figured out. Hopefully I'll be engaged and I'll have a chosen career path. I think adults that have already been through all of this sometimes forget what it was like to be at this stage in life. Sure once you get married and have a job things aren't going to be easy...But that is just the drama of it all. The drama never ends. Right here, right now we have not only the drama but the confusion of not knowing where we are going to be in 5 years on top of it all. How am I supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life?! I am 18! I'm sorry...But Gowanda didn't really have a wide array of class options to guide me down the correct career path. Maybe I want to be a doctor, maybe a physcologist, a teacher, heck...maybe a stripper.

Alright, well since I have wasted pretty much the entire Chemistry class writing about the story of my life..I must be going. There is just so much to write about and so many areas of life to explore. I could probably write 10 times a day and still have things to say. Intense.

A Tiny Island Where Everything is Better

I wish...I wish there was a tiny island where everything is better. If only. How do I prove myself to someone after messing up so badly? How could I let this happen? How could could I convince myself that love like I had wasn't worth it anymore? Now I see, now my eyes have been opened. Now. After all of this. Now that I have completely torn everything down, I want to start rebuilding. I would completely understand though if that is not what he wanted. He deserves so much better than me, yet he is willing to give me another chance. I want to take that chance and run with it, yet I am hesitant because I do not want to break his heart again. Not to mention I have everyone on his side rooting against me. Or so it seems.

It kind of sucks being the bad person in all of this. I wish people would listen. Would understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say that for people to understand? Nothing happened. I did nothing. I felt confined so I quit because it got hard. But I learned something from that. People who have loved like this should understand what I am saying and where I am coming from. Love is hard. You make mistakes, but most importantly you do learn from those mistakes.

I guess it will take some serious work to prove my devotion to this. Well, I'm willing to work for it. I'll do whatever it takes as long as everything will be okay in the end. It's not even about me. If he is happier without me then so be it, but if he feels anything like I feel...Like I know he does...Then life just wouldn't be the same without each other in it. Even after breaking up we both knew we hadn't reached the end. Thats how it is...

Or like he literally just said...We are like the sting in hercules. They try to break us and we only get stronger. I'm not giving up. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it kills me.

I said that not getting into Geneseo was a sign from the Lord, but maybe it was a different sign. Through all of this...I've learned that I am supposed to stay here. I might even like it here. Despite all of the drama and wierd people...There are things that I do love about it. Like dance parties, vending machines, warriors (prob. my favorite), my computer, watching movies all weekend rather than partying, random trips to McDonalds, and the list goes on and on...The randomness of college is really amazing. When I look back on this year it may not be my favorite, but I think it will be the year I learned the most. I have learned so much about other people its really intense.

The Lord has been so good to me. So good. He knows life is hard, but will never give us anything we can't handel. One thing I have learned...I can't be someones everything. This might not make sense, but let me elaborate. I'm not strong enough or anything enough to be there for someone all of the time. I can't do that. I shouldn't be someones life support because that is too hard. Sure I can listen and I can be strong, but I don't want to be the complete reason for someones happiness of misfortune. Ben figured this out, because even when things were tough..Which they still are...He didn't completely act like the world was crumbling even if he felt like it was. He trusted that what was happening had a reason, that God knew what he was doing. Even if I never talked to him again I think he would have stayed strong and been okay. I think. Hah. Some people don't understand that..I just can't be your everything its too hard. Jesus should be. Jesus wants to be. He wants to carry all of our burdens. We don't have too! How amazing is that?! It just blows my mind.

I am so in love! So in love with an amazing creator who knows what he is doing. Oh he really does. Becca and I took a trip down to the vending machines this evening after everything seemed to be falling apart. We are girls and of course we wanted dark chocolate. Becca places all 85 cents into the mouth of the vending machine, presses the buttons, and out comes 2 (yes TWO!) dove dark chocolate little piece of heaven. I'm not even kidding. It was just like wow...He does love us. Just a little reminder from him when everything seems to be falling down.

Alright well since this post is pretty much longer than anything I have ever written I should probably end it here. I hope this clears some things up for some people. Especially now that I know that people on both sides actually read this thing. Hah. I could change the world! Kidding.

One more thing...I have decided that I am going to write a book about this past week or so. I will go something like this:
Girl has everything.
Girl finds something new and interesting.
Girl lets go of amazing guy.
Crazy crazy crap happens (this is the climax..and i can't ruin it yet).
Girl realizes she has made a huge mistake.
Everyone back home hates girl.
Girl works harder than anything she has ever worked for before.
Happy Ending?

Maybe it will become a movie. Take that story with you to L.A.

For real. I am done now. Goodnight and Happy Monday.

I am so exhaused. I am tired in more than one sene of the word; physically, emotionally, and mentally. So many things have happened this week its almost surreal. Physically I am tired because it is impossible to get any sleep in this room. I've been going to bed late because I have had a lot on my mind and then getting woken up around 6:45 or 7. Depending. Its not that I want to get up...Lets just say that I am really excited that in 4 weeks I will never have to call room 268 mine ever again. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason I really ever wanted to transfer was because of my living situations here. Thats okay though because from now on I can control it. Amen.

Yesterday was one of the scariest and most intense days I have had in a long time. Well, maybe
not yesterday but last night. Where do I even begin? Let me start of my saying that some guys are just scary. Really truly scary. I can't believe that I let myself fall for all of his sweet talking and whatever it was only to find out that I was just going to be used and thrown out like every other girl before me. Who was I to think that I am any different from anyone else? It's a vicious cycle, let me tell you.

I guess I've made some pretty stupid decisions. Breaking up with Ben for one. I had the sweetest guy there for me, and he's still there for me, and I did such a horrible thing. Ahh...And to think that he's still waiting on me to come around. It's a beautiful beautiful thing. That my friends...Is love. I am scared about getting back together, because who knows what the future brings. It's scary. Anything could happen. But at the same time I trut that everything will be okay in the end. It is really nice that I do have Julie an Sadie to talk to about all of this. Its especially nice that Julie is going through much of the same situation. I don't know what I would do without them, because most people here just wouldn't understand. Most people are too "good" to do ever live a little bit and explore something beyond their comfort zone. Well, I certainly did and learned a lot from it.

Anyways, I must get going and start getting ready for my day. I have so much to do today thanks to a long weekend of slacking off. It's okay though...I enjoyed almost every minute of it.

A Tangled Web I Weave

So the past week has been pretty great. Filled with its ups and downs of course, but good for the most part. First of all I must say that I have some of the greatest friends that have been here for me. Julie, Sadie, and I have been hanging out a lot and just being completely crazy. We danced last night away at the marathon. Amazing. Can I just say if I could do that all day, everyday, I freaking would. I was never a big dancer. But lately, for some reason, I've just felt so free. I don't care what people think anymore. I just want to open and be me. It's amazing. I think its the whole being single thing. Not that I have done anything questionable, but its the fact that I can if I want to.

Maybe I'll be regretting breaking up with Ben eventually. I don't know. I can't really tell yet. Sure its hard at times, but I mean...It's supposed to be. I feel like I made the right decision, despite the hard times...Life certainly is not easy. Aside from the breakup, I now feel like I am setting myself up for another heartbreak. Maybe not. Maybe I am wrong. I just have this feeling. Thats not what I want to happen, obviously. It all just seems a little sketch. There is so much I just want to say here! But I can't...Because I don't know who the hell reads this.

So today was amazing. Woke up and went for a nice long run...Probably about 9 miles or so. I was tired though because I made the mistake of taking yesterday off. Bad plan. But I made it through. Let's see..Then this afternoon Sadie, Julie, John, and I went shopping and out to pizza hut. It was amazing. I am really excited to be rooming with them next year. We decided its just going to be a 24/7 dance party.

Alright I need to get a move on and finish cleaning here and then start some serious work. I have done nothing so far this weekend. Ew...I just have a really bad feeling about stuff right now and I don't like it. I just wish someone would tell me that it is all going to be okay and that I am doing the right thing, but no one does. Hmm.

Suffering Only Makes Us Stronger

So these past few weeks have been extremely intense. Filled with ups and downs, disappointments and some happiness. First of all, can we please just disregard the last post? Yes, I was hating this place...Lets be honest. I wasn't really talking to or hanging out with anyone and I can't stand living in this room. Things have gotten much better here though. I still hate living in this room, but I started to see that next year things are going to be much different and a lot more fun. I've got super fun roommates lined up for next year!

Yes, I am staying here. I am about 90% sure of that. I got rejected from Geneseo today. It's okay. A few days ago that would have been the most devestating news ever, but today I feel confident that they made the right decision in not accepting me. I let go of one of the greatest people in my life on Monday. It was extremely hard to do, but I really believe that it was the right decision, at least for now. I mean who knows what God has planned!

People probably think I am crazy for letting go of such a great guy, and maybe I am. But I felt confined and I just want to see what else is out there. I felt like I was starting to make decisions not based on what was best for me, but on what would suit or relationship better. That's just a bad plan. I am actually happy that I am staying here next year, because there are a lot of people that I would have missed a lot.

Lately, this room here has been pretty intense. It's like walking on egg shells because you never know which one of us is going to be crying. Well, Jenna doesn't cry...But Becca and I. Someone is always crying. Haha. O well...I believe things are only going to keep getting better from here. I still can't believe that Geneseo rejected me. That just hurts a little, but maybe the temptation of getting in would have been too strong and that would have driven me there. I'm going to be okay though...Better than okay..I'll be amazing. Our sufferings only make us stronger..That is for sure the truth!

On a happier note I have been a running fiend lately. It's just so comforting. When I run I don't have to worry about school or relationships or anything stressful. I can just run and run and run listening to nothing but my own breating and blood pounding in my ears. It's just a great feeling. Some other good things have also been happening. :-) So I know and trust that everything will be just great! Anyways, it is probably time that I get going because I need a shower since I just got done running. Then its off to jazz band, and finally some seriously hanging out and watching hockey. God Bless!

I have found that the only time I really write on here is when I am truly hating this place. Seriously...I could not wish for next year to come fast enough! I've decided to give this place one more try I think. At least one more semester when I am not confined to this messed up dorm room. I walk by other peoples rooms and they look like they actually have a good time. Not here...Our door is usually shut because one of us never stops studying. Our room is always pretty emotional because someone never stops thinking that everything is about her. One of us feels the need to pointedly put in ear plugs as an obvious sign that we are annoying her...Well here is my obvious sign.

I really can't wait to get out of here! I know I'll probably look back on this someday and think...I learned a lot that year. Yea, but learning something and enjoying yourself are two completely different things. I find it really unfair that many people get to enjoy themselves their freshmen year...College...It's so great, I would do it again! Thats what everyone says. Me...I would NEVER do this year again!

People ask me why I hate it here and one of the only things I can tell them is how much I hate my room. Hate is a strong word I know..But for this situation I don't even think it is strong enough. I feel like when I am here I have a mother who lives in the same room with me. O no its not just in the same house anymore...The same damn room! "What are you doing? What time does that start? When are you going to be back? I wouldn't do that if I was you. O I am just off to a very inspiring lecture." Just shut the hell up and leave me alone! I don't like you so don't talk to me...Hell, don't even look at me.

I feel so mean writing all of this up but it is all so true. I would like to see you try and live here. I think I would rather live with a stuck up blonde than in this room. Grove City College...They like to torture. Actually..Not true I must admit I totally brought this torture upon myself. Which is kind of ironic...I guess it just goes to show that you don't know who a person is until you live with them...

Getting Better...

So this place is getting better. I have found that the only time I am really miserable is when I am in my room. It is just an extremely annoying place to be let me tell you! Anyways, I think that next year might actually better and then I might be able to enjoy this place a little more. Right now I am just surrounded by some extreme people...There is nothing I can do to change that and I am learning a lot. When I look back, I don't think I would re-do this year for any amount of anything, but I think it will be a good learning experience. Coming to this school I guess I knew there would be some interesting...things.

So I have been trying to look beyond this stupid dorm and really enjoy everything else. I have found some pretty cool people. There are normal ones out there somewhere! Come next year I think my group of friends will change immensely, but that is just fine with me. Its actually way more than fine!

This week has been a really good week. Benjamin and I had an amazing talk and our relationship keeps getting stronger every day. It's crazy and it just blows my mind! I've been trying to keep up on my devotions and all that stuff as well. It's really hard here to get caught up in everything and just forget, but I have started making a real effort. My eyes were opened this week...For the first time I guess I realized that we in no way, shape, or form deserve God's blessings but He blesses us anyways! Can you believe it?! Even at my lowest of low, He blesses ME! Why?! How love can be that strong I just don't know, but it is amazing. So no matter how many chapters of the Bible I read, no matter how much I pray, or how many good deeds I do...That doesn't make me any better than anyone else! That is beautiful! I think a lot of people, especially here, compare themselves and their faith to other people...O well...

Anyways...Time to get out of this room! I need a shower...Good reason to leave I suppose. Peace out!

Life...

I offically hate this place. I went home this weekend and that was great...I love going home. Maybe I'll talk more about that when I am actually in a good mood. But then I come back here and its like a cloud descends upon me and I hate it. I have never once actually been happy to come back to this piece of crap of a school. So why am I even considering staying? The only reason I can really think of right now is that I like my computer...Haha. Pathetic I know...Not a good reason to stay.

I have so much work to do tonight and I am running on less than 3 hours of sleep...And I have been up since 7:30...Wonerful wonderful.

I don't know anymore. I don't know what it is about this place....I feel like I am surrounded by Christians who are trying to be perfect and one up each other all the time. Everyone does it! Even me...I know...Being a Christian is great. I don't know this sounds kinda wrong to say, but I am going to say it anyways cause it has been on my mind. Some people let their religion consume themselves and then I think they just become socially retarded. They don't know how to act normally in scoiety. There is nothing wrong with love Jesus and the whole sh'bang...But...I think when you do it to a point that you can't function normally in the world around you. That is a problem.

Part of being a Christian is reaching out to non-Christians...So honestly...Be normal. And people and their whole Calvinistic crap here! AH! Drives me insane! I need to get out of here...I am sick of being in this bubble surrounded by all the same people all of the time. For the most part if you go here you are either:
a. Type A Personality...Little Miss Perfect
b. Homeschooled and socially akward..
Granted there are acceptions...I do have some normal friends here. But not many...Anyways...I can't wait fow this semester to do over so I can leave and never look back!

Sorry if anyone was offended by this blog...Not like anyone actually gives a damn what I think anyways.

Ah!

So it is only the second week of school and I already have so much crap that I need to do. Honestly...It just keeps piling up and I can't really take much more of this. I truly think this semester is going to suck. The one good thing is that I think I have finally found my correct major! Teaching...Hopefully...I am not sure if I am actually going to stay at this exact college though. This semester I have just been miserable lately. I have good moments and bad moments but mostly bad. Being surrounded by type A personalities all the time can drive a person insane! More times than not I am wishing to be anywhere but this place!

Okay so clearly right now is just not one of those moments where I am loving this school up. Yea...Not at all. Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by...Well I don't know if I can say it here becase who knows who actually reads this. Maybe no one...And then I can just say what I actually think about everyone and everything this school is all about.

I really am not liking my Bib. Rev. HUMA class. I thought Dr. T would be amazing but really I think he is just arrogant. I feel like he is going to take the Bible way too literally and that he is a very closed minded person. When we talk about creation I might go insane if he takes it word for word literally. There is way too much evidence supporting the Big Bang I don't care what he says. All the science professors here even know that. I know people are going to disagree but thats cool...We agree to disagree then.

I just kind of hate college. I want my real life to begin...College the best years of my life? Hell no...Not here they won't be. Maybe I should transfer...I dreamt about it last night. Maybe it's a sign! I just need to get away!

Getting Bank in the Swing

So one full week here is almost complete and many things have already changed for me. Well not too many, but a few. First things first...I am not so sure I am going to go to medical school anymore. I've just been thinking and praying about it, and I don't think it's very conducive to having a family. So my alternative plan which I have already begun to pursue is teaching. Biology secondary education to be more precise. I am taking an education class this semester and so far I absolutely love it! The professor, Dr. Mackey, has a real passion for teaching and his passion seems to rub off on the students he teaches. Who knows, maybe thats just me and its a sign, but I don't know how anyone could walk out of that class not excited about teaching! Becca and I are doing a project together and we get to teach in front of the class...Needless to say I am excited about that stupid little project.

For the first time in my entire Grover career, I have no work to do! None! Sure I could start some papers and such that are due in about a month, but c'mon...No thank you. So I relax! This weekend will be amazing! Snowboarding baby! I am pretty much so excited I might pee my pants. Kidding..Totally kidding. But yes, Jenna and I are going to hit the slopes at HV and man..The powder, the wonderful powder. Okay enough about my little excursion.

What else is new with me? Let's see here...Did I mention that I pretty much love all of my classes this semester. I thought Bio would be boring but I am actually surprised at how much I am enjoying learning. It seems that I can't put my textbook down. Well not really. Anyways, I get to visit my home 2 weeks from tomorrow so that I can go to senior dinner dance with Benjamin! I can't even wait to see him! O the things love does to a person.

Today was actually not the greatest of days...I was a little cranky. Ehh, o well. Every girl has her moments thats for sure. Well I am going to clean this joint up a bit and then I am going to watch a movie or something! I love freedom!

Back to school...back to school...

O the fun has started again! I have mized emotions about it. The work has already begun to pile on, but the times with friends has been great so far. Funny story about friends...Becca and I decided that we needed to go to the bank today. So we pile on our layers and layers of clothing and set out across town to our final destination. About 3/4 of a mile later we arrive on the stoop on citizens bank only to find out that..It's Martin Luther King Day! Wonderful! Of course we weren't thinking about this because today was our first day of classes. Clearly Grove City just does not respect the holiday. Instead of giving us one measley extra they hurl a further insult and begin classes on such a day. Torture.

In all seriousness this day was not much fun. My Molec. Bio class is going to kick my butt. I also had lab today which turned out to be another lecture on an entire chapter of information that lasted 1.5 hours. It is my HUMA class that I am looking forward to the most. It can be hard to consistantly read my Bible here. That is one thing that I was not expecting at all. Coming here I figured..Christian college, so my spiritual life must fluorish. Well I was slightly misled. Sure there aren't quite as many worldy distractions as there would be say at a state college, but the workload here is not very conducive to encouraging your Christian walk. This would be why I am exited about Bib. Rev. I now have an entire class that will make time for me to focus on that. Lovely!

A List

Tonight I got the idea to make a list of some things I would like to accomplish in this lifetime. I need to have some goals...Life is quite the ride and no one comes out alive. So I might as well do something while I'm here::

1. Get married..This one seems obvious enough, but really I want to know that I have loved another human being to the full extent.

2. Have kids...My own kids, adopted, whatever. Just little people that will drive me absolutely insane but I can't help but love them anyways.

3. Skydiving...Anyone care to join me?

4. Install a 2-lane bowling alley in the basement of my dream home. Heck yes!

5. Live in a big city...Not forever. For a month or so on my own. I want to live like a movie. Going out partying with friends and just living life.

6. Play in an amazing jazz band...The GC jazz band would be sufficent.

7. Fill up an entire sketchbook.

8. Get out of this country and travel! Anywhere and everywhere!!

9. Run a marathon...Possibly a few, but at least one.

10. Own the entire collection of Grey's Anatomy seasons...I am well on my way to achieving this one.

11. Work on something that involves cancer...Research, treating patients, something.

12. Become a doctor...I am starting to realize that is doesn't matter what kind of doctor. MD or PhD. Physician, teacher, or great scientist....Something like that.

13. Go on a missions trip...I have never been on one before. What if I am supposed to be a missionary and just don't know it yet?

These are the big things. Sure there are many other little things that I would love to do, but if I could accomplish even 3/4 of the things on this list I would say that is a pretty full and complete life. Of course doing any of this would be a complete gift from the "big man upstairs". Life is short so lets enjoy it while we can.

So maybe everything in this world isn't completely horrible. Growing up in my church I have had it ground into me that Christ's return may be at any moment. Any moment they stressed...As in this lifetime. Maybe they are right, but at the same time maybe now. For years and years now people have been predicting the end of the world and return of Christ. Every generation seems to think that the next is so horrible and corrupt, that there is nothing worse that could possibly happen, and that means Christ is coming. Don't get me wrong, He IS coming. It the whole question of WHEN that is the issue. Call me crazy but I am not a fan of people claiming that the world keeps getting worse, that there is no hope.

There is hope! I don't know why I am writing about this...It seems so obvious to me. But I think we need to take a step back and see exactly how Christ is at work in the world now. That all of our efforts for improvement are not just a waste of time. Chew on this...There are missionaries EVERYWHERE now! All over the world! 100 years ago there really were not any. I don't know but I call that a sign of improvement. Times change yes, and with that so does the church. The church adapts. Sometimes that adaptation may go a little too far, become a bit too worldly, but adaption is not always synonymous with corruption. So things change. That does not mean that our generation is awful, that we are going to lead to the destrustion of the earth. Really, truly, and honestly; there are some wonderful things that are happening.

It was an episode of Grey's Anatomy that sparked this post tonight. The episode was based on faith. Maybe not the same type of faith in Jesus Christ that you or I possess but faith none-the-less. I think scientists and athesists today are finally coming to a point where they have no choice but to submit to the fact that there is something bigger and better that created all of this! Certainly not everyone, not even close to everyone, will come to this realization but the truth is out there. The truth is out there and it is continually spreading!

It amazes me how people are so different. It takes almost no convincing for some people to come to realization that Christ is the only way, while others could look Him sqare in the face and still not call him Lord. I just couldn't fathom turning Him down after all the ways He has revealed Himself to me, but that's the thing about man I guess. We aren't all programmed to recognize him, not everyone can see the beauty in it. The world will never be perfect, it will never even come close, but it's not exactly falling apart at the seams either.

Sick as a Dog

Today had been a lazy day. I woke up around 11:30, showered around 2:00, and now here I am. I like being able to sleep in and having the house to myself while everyone is either working or at school. It's a nice feeling although I feel awfully lazy. So that is one reason why I am looking forward to getting back to school.

My dog is sick. :-( I don't know what is wrong or what's going on, but I hope there is something that the vet can do. He was fine yesterday, but today he can hardly walk or move. Poor puppy. I called them today and told them whatwas wrong and now he has an appointment at 7:15 tonight. I really hope that there is something they can do for him, and that he will be okay. I am hoping that Benjamin will come with me to take Mulli to the vet, because I really don't want to go alone. My mom and Jay have Bible study tonight so I am the one who is responsible for taking him.

Other than that life is grand and I couldn't ask for anything more. I don't have much to report about here now cause life hasn't changed much from the last post.

Good Days

Dear dear dear...The days keep getting better and better. I really don't think I want this break to end. I feel like I keep repeating myself on here...Hah. Whatev, it's my blog I write what I want.

Benjamin and I are doing amazing! Everyday with him is a new adventure. This weekend will be tons of fun though. Double date night tomorrow with Ash and Dan. Dinner and bowling, that is the life right there! Then Ben's birthday is Saturday...So it will be a morning at the bowling alley and then hanging out with a bunch of friends for a mini birthday bash. And finally Sunday my sister and I are taking our boyfriends snowboarding for the first time. They are going to be awful and it will be great! Love is a wonderful thing. Thank you Jesus for loving us and teaching us how to love!

I am going to school tomorrow with my momma. I am going to help her grade papers all day and we are going to order lunch and stuff. I love going to school when I don't really have to do anything. Alright I am kind of watching Grey's at the moment and its getting good...Best show ever by the way.

It's Snowing!

So it is offically a new year! Lovely! I haven't made any New Years resolutions. I never really have, because I don't believe I would ever set a realistic one that I would actually keep for more than a few weeks. So I continue doing what I do. I do need to start running though. I haven't since I have been home, and I am starting to feel its effects. That is one good thing about school. I feel like I have more motivation to work out.

I only have about 2.5 weeks left of freedom. This break has flown. I want to go back, because I feel like my brain is rotting when I am not doing anything but at the same time I love being home. I love hanging out with my friends and most of all hanging out with Ben. I love that boy so much it's crazy!! :-D

My crazy grandmother has been here since I got home and she is starting to drive me up the wall. No I am not being mean at all. She really really is crazy. Even my mom and all my aunts and uncles think so. And lucky me...I get to stay home with her for hours and hours while everyone else is at school or work.

So I know all the of the books I am going to have to buy for this next semester and it really isn't too bad. I need a Bio book and workbook thingy which will set me back about 175 and then just a NIV Study Bible which I can find for under 20 online. Much better than last semester I must say. Anyways, I must be going. Maybe I will do some cleaning or something...Or lock myself in my room and watch a movie so my grandmother leaves me alone...Hmmm...