The Wobbly Wheel on a Pentacycle

It is ironic that there are not even devices called pentacycles, because that is how I feel right now. Kind of non-existent. Kind of. And if there were pentacycles I am the wobbly fifth wheel...The one that needed to be thrown on or else it wouldn't be a pentacycle but the designer did not really have a use for it. I am trying to make sense of everything that has happened to me over the past year, this whole college experience. I have said over and over again that I can not see this as being "the best years of my life." And I have been trying. I really have.

This school is one of the toughest to be at because they endorse dating and relationships so much. When you are dating someone outside of the Grove City bubble things can be extremely challenging. I am craving relationships right now, with girlfirends that is. I feel so alone here. Living in the mole hole was a bad idea. All the girls from my hall last year are in MEP which would be the place to begin building relationships. Since I am not living there it makes things a bit more difficult.

I joined the racquetball club this week and there a bunch of girls there that maybe I can get to know. Hopefully. It is hard because I feel like despite any of the activites I get involved in, all the girls have their own groups of friends already. Sure they may say hello when they pass me on their way to class, but they are not about to go out of their way to invite me over for a movie or just to hang out.

Living here I just feel like an inconvience. I am the "back up plans". Maybe I am just being overly dramatic. I am just unsre how much more of watching the couple stuff go on I can take. I have only spend 4 weeks on this horrid campus! And two of those weekends I spent in the comfort of my own home.

And the schoolwork! Don't even get me started! I spend hours and hours doing work...partly because I have nothing better to do...yet I have nothing to show for it. I am not doing well in any of my classes really. At least not as well as I would like to be doing. Grove City has taken my academic career and screwed me over. Coming in as a freshman I could have been whatever I wanted, gotten in to almost any school that I wanted to and now....Now I can not even get into Geneseo! A state school! I regret coming here everyday...While there are moments that I enjoy it thinking maybe things will be okay, I don't think there is one day that I would ever say that I would do this over again. Never.

Alright. My pitty party needs to end. I will probably be drowning away my sorrows in a few episodes of Gilmore Girls. Thanking God that my life is not quite that complicated. Until next time...