It is ironic that there are not even devices called pentacycles, because that is how I feel right now. Kind of non-existent. Kind of. And if there were pentacycles I am the wobbly fifth wheel...The one that needed to be thrown on or else it wouldn't be a pentacycle but the designer did not really have a use for it. I am trying to make sense of everything that has happened to me over the past year, this whole college experience. I have said over and over again that I can not see this as being "the best years of my life." And I have been trying. I really have.
This school is one of the toughest to be at because they endorse dating and relationships so much. When you are dating someone outside of the Grove City bubble things can be extremely challenging. I am craving relationships right now, with girlfirends that is. I feel so alone here. Living in the mole hole was a bad idea. All the girls from my hall last year are in MEP which would be the place to begin building relationships. Since I am not living there it makes things a bit more difficult.
I joined the racquetball club this week and there a bunch of girls there that maybe I can get to know. Hopefully. It is hard because I feel like despite any of the activites I get involved in, all the girls have their own groups of friends already. Sure they may say hello when they pass me on their way to class, but they are not about to go out of their way to invite me over for a movie or just to hang out.
Living here I just feel like an inconvience. I am the "back up plans". Maybe I am just being overly dramatic. I am just unsre how much more of watching the couple stuff go on I can take. I have only spend 4 weeks on this horrid campus! And two of those weekends I spent in the comfort of my own home.
And the schoolwork! Don't even get me started! I spend hours and hours doing work...partly because I have nothing better to do...yet I have nothing to show for it. I am not doing well in any of my classes really. At least not as well as I would like to be doing. Grove City has taken my academic career and screwed me over. Coming in as a freshman I could have been whatever I wanted, gotten in to almost any school that I wanted to and now....Now I can not even get into Geneseo! A state school! I regret coming here everyday...While there are moments that I enjoy it thinking maybe things will be okay, I don't think there is one day that I would ever say that I would do this over again. Never.
Alright. My pitty party needs to end. I will probably be drowning away my sorrows in a few episodes of Gilmore Girls. Thanking God that my life is not quite that complicated. Until next time...
September 19, 2008
September 12, 2008
Learning How To Swim
Holy smokes! I did not think that it had been that long since the last time I blogged! May 29th, 2008 and it is now September 17th, 2008. I guess I can be happy that it is still 2008. Reading that last post I can help but laugh at what I talked my expectations for the summer. Working at the nursing home, playing the Sims, and just hanging out around the house were among the things that I discussed. I am beginning to learn that have too many expectations can often lead to disappointment, not that my summer was disappointing. It is just that often times when you expect that something will turn out a certain way, something completely different and unexpected will happen. This is not always disappointing, you just have to go with the flow. But where do I begin now? So much to talk about and only half of a physics class left to type my life away.
Well the summer was pretty amazing, we can start there. I did not end up working at the nursing home, instead I returned to what was familiar to me, catering to the whims and needs to hungry customers. I did not even work there that much, only when they needed me to fill in. So is terms of money making, I believe I spent more than I made.
Much of the summer was spent hanging out with Benjamin and friends. :] Ashley Farner, or should I say Moran, and I hung out quite a bit and caught up on each others lives. Much like old times, when she was just a sophomore in college and I was still in high school. It is strange to think that now I am the sophomore and she is out in the real world getting married and doing things of that nature. O time, where have you gone?!
The summer came and went in a blink of an eye and before I knew it I was packing up my things and heading off to Grove City College, the giant swimming pool of my life. Tennis camp came and went, and when I say went I mean that ship sailed without me on it. It was disappointing considering all of the time and money that went into tennis this summer. I have been thinking about it, and maybe next year I will try again. Maybe this year there was a reason I didn't make it. I am not exactly sure of that reason yet, although I have an idea. I suppose I am just supposed to get involved in other things on campus. I must say that not having tennis certainly frees up a lot of time.
I recently got a job at The Gap at the outlets! My first day is this afternoon actually so I am pretty excited. I have also been working at the bowling alley quite a bit and doing ticket sales at the football games. I am going to try and get involved in a few different things going on around campus because I really need to get out and meet new people and such. I recently talked to my Physics lab T.A. about joining racquetball club so I am going to be adding that to my list of things to do. Hopefully I will meet some decent people through that. I am also continuing my jazz band experience at Grove City College. Which reminds me...I really need to order some new reeds.
Anyways, I am really just not in the mood to blog anymore and really not in a good mood at all actually. So I am going end it here. Hopefully I will find time to write another one sometime soon, but as always...No promises.
Well the summer was pretty amazing, we can start there. I did not end up working at the nursing home, instead I returned to what was familiar to me, catering to the whims and needs to hungry customers. I did not even work there that much, only when they needed me to fill in. So is terms of money making, I believe I spent more than I made.
Much of the summer was spent hanging out with Benjamin and friends. :] Ashley Farner, or should I say Moran, and I hung out quite a bit and caught up on each others lives. Much like old times, when she was just a sophomore in college and I was still in high school. It is strange to think that now I am the sophomore and she is out in the real world getting married and doing things of that nature. O time, where have you gone?!
The summer came and went in a blink of an eye and before I knew it I was packing up my things and heading off to Grove City College, the giant swimming pool of my life. Tennis camp came and went, and when I say went I mean that ship sailed without me on it. It was disappointing considering all of the time and money that went into tennis this summer. I have been thinking about it, and maybe next year I will try again. Maybe this year there was a reason I didn't make it. I am not exactly sure of that reason yet, although I have an idea. I suppose I am just supposed to get involved in other things on campus. I must say that not having tennis certainly frees up a lot of time.
I recently got a job at The Gap at the outlets! My first day is this afternoon actually so I am pretty excited. I have also been working at the bowling alley quite a bit and doing ticket sales at the football games. I am going to try and get involved in a few different things going on around campus because I really need to get out and meet new people and such. I recently talked to my Physics lab T.A. about joining racquetball club so I am going to be adding that to my list of things to do. Hopefully I will meet some decent people through that. I am also continuing my jazz band experience at Grove City College. Which reminds me...I really need to order some new reeds.
Anyways, I am really just not in the mood to blog anymore and really not in a good mood at all actually. So I am going end it here. Hopefully I will find time to write another one sometime soon, but as always...No promises.
May 29, 2008
Could It Be An Addiction?
My days lately have been spent in a variety of ways. I have been working out to the maximum amount. So much so that by 9:00 each night I am ready for bed. For example, yesterday I began the day with a 3.5 mile run down to the school. I then proceeded to play about an hour of tennis before heading home around 4:00. Then again around 7:00 Ben and I went to play another hour of tennis. Thus has been my life lately.
I guess I don't like just sitting around the house all day. So I have been trying to get out as much as possible. Which has led to spending significant amounts of money in the process. Well, kind of. At least I have gotten a great paying job! I am going to be a Certified Nurses Assistant working at the nursing home. Old people...Not what I want to spend forever doing, but I'll deal. At least I'll be allowed to treat them and do stuff medically. And I getting certified so I'll be able to take that and run with it next year. I just have to put up with wiping Mr.Harold and helping Betty take a shower for the summer. For $12 an hour, I can deal.
I have been playing the Sims 2 quite a bit lately as well. It's an addicting thing, especially when you have practically all of the expansion packs. I am not going to lie though. This whole sitting at home thing is getting a little old so I think when the time comes around I will be ready to get back to school.
But now I am watching Season 1 of Gilmore Girls. Wonderful. And I have a secret source with the next 6 or so season lined up. :] So this might become my newest addiction. Who knows?
I guess I don't like just sitting around the house all day. So I have been trying to get out as much as possible. Which has led to spending significant amounts of money in the process. Well, kind of. At least I have gotten a great paying job! I am going to be a Certified Nurses Assistant working at the nursing home. Old people...Not what I want to spend forever doing, but I'll deal. At least I'll be allowed to treat them and do stuff medically. And I getting certified so I'll be able to take that and run with it next year. I just have to put up with wiping Mr.Harold and helping Betty take a shower for the summer. For $12 an hour, I can deal.
I have been playing the Sims 2 quite a bit lately as well. It's an addicting thing, especially when you have practically all of the expansion packs. I am not going to lie though. This whole sitting at home thing is getting a little old so I think when the time comes around I will be ready to get back to school.
But now I am watching Season 1 of Gilmore Girls. Wonderful. And I have a secret source with the next 6 or so season lined up. :] So this might become my newest addiction. Who knows?
May 12, 2008
God's Little Joke
Thats what this year was. Freshman year, completely not what I expected it to be. In June of last year I was extremely excited to know that Jenna Cooper and I had found each other and had formulated the plans to be roommates. Then about a month later we received an e-mail that said some girl named Rebekah Long was also going to be rooming with us, a forced triple. For all of you that don't know what that means:
Our room should be a double, but they decided to take out a single bed, throw in a bunk, add an extra dresser, desk, and closet and allow three lucky girls to call it home.
As you can imagine, it has been a crowded year. When all three of us are in the room trying to get stuff done I usually leave because I can't handle it.
Anyways, back to the story. Rebekah Long. A little disappointing at first. I spent the next month facebook stalking her and diligently reading her blog. I found out a few things that made an interesting impression:
1. She is one of 11 kids.
2. She was home schooled.
3. She wrote a post wondering why girls should ever wear pants, and it would be better if we all just wore dresses all the time.
Being the skeptic that I am, I was terrified.
So move in day for my roommates arrives. First impressions are decent I think. We all seemed to get along at first, pretty much because we had no choice. We didn't know anyone else, and all we had was each other. A few weeks go by and it didn't take Rebekah and I long to start questioning how we were going to live with this Jenna Cooper. The months passed, and everyday brought a different emotion. Sometimes we were all fine and dandy, other days we just all hated each other. I guess that happens when you live with two other people.
So, first semester came and went and now the second semester begins. Rebekah and I are getting closer and closer and Jenna just seems to do her own thing. We had some good times with that one we did. When it comes down to it I really enjoyed this year. I learned more than just Biology and Humanities, but rather many tiny life lessons. Some of them were sad, some hard, and others joyful.
I could not imagine ever having to go through this year without Rebekah. I am sure I would have survived, but I don't believe I would have learned as much as I did. We had a lot of fun laughing, crying, whispering, and talking together. Now we are ex-roommates, but next year will sill be great. I am only a hop, skip, and a step up the stairs away.
So now I am home. Sitting on my couch, rotting my brain away with a movie and playing on the computer as much as my eyes will allow. Seeing Benjamin all of the time is by far going to be the best part of being home. :] We hung out tonight and of course we will tomorrow. Tomorrow should be fun though because I got asked to come back and play t-sax with my high schools jazz ensemble for this middle school showcase thing. So Benjamin will be jammin' on trombone and me on the sax, just like the good old times.
Alright I am getting sleepy, and this post is long. Just wanted to give a recap of this year and let everyone know that I am offically home for the summer. Amen to being a sophomore.
Our room should be a double, but they decided to take out a single bed, throw in a bunk, add an extra dresser, desk, and closet and allow three lucky girls to call it home.
As you can imagine, it has been a crowded year. When all three of us are in the room trying to get stuff done I usually leave because I can't handle it.
Anyways, back to the story. Rebekah Long. A little disappointing at first. I spent the next month facebook stalking her and diligently reading her blog. I found out a few things that made an interesting impression:
1. She is one of 11 kids.
2. She was home schooled.
3. She wrote a post wondering why girls should ever wear pants, and it would be better if we all just wore dresses all the time.
Being the skeptic that I am, I was terrified.
So move in day for my roommates arrives. First impressions are decent I think. We all seemed to get along at first, pretty much because we had no choice. We didn't know anyone else, and all we had was each other. A few weeks go by and it didn't take Rebekah and I long to start questioning how we were going to live with this Jenna Cooper. The months passed, and everyday brought a different emotion. Sometimes we were all fine and dandy, other days we just all hated each other. I guess that happens when you live with two other people.
So, first semester came and went and now the second semester begins. Rebekah and I are getting closer and closer and Jenna just seems to do her own thing. We had some good times with that one we did. When it comes down to it I really enjoyed this year. I learned more than just Biology and Humanities, but rather many tiny life lessons. Some of them were sad, some hard, and others joyful.
I could not imagine ever having to go through this year without Rebekah. I am sure I would have survived, but I don't believe I would have learned as much as I did. We had a lot of fun laughing, crying, whispering, and talking together. Now we are ex-roommates, but next year will sill be great. I am only a hop, skip, and a step up the stairs away.
So now I am home. Sitting on my couch, rotting my brain away with a movie and playing on the computer as much as my eyes will allow. Seeing Benjamin all of the time is by far going to be the best part of being home. :] We hung out tonight and of course we will tomorrow. Tomorrow should be fun though because I got asked to come back and play t-sax with my high schools jazz ensemble for this middle school showcase thing. So Benjamin will be jammin' on trombone and me on the sax, just like the good old times.
Alright I am getting sleepy, and this post is long. Just wanted to give a recap of this year and let everyone know that I am offically home for the summer. Amen to being a sophomore.
May 4, 2008
In Need of a Good Ctrl + Alt + Delete
My brain is completely on overdrive. It's much like my my pigs brains after trying to remove it from the skull. Mush. I am sitting here in the library staring at the 600 pages of Molecular Biology in front of me, all of which need to be studied for the test tomorrow. Eff that. I just completely went into overdrive mode, because my brain was trying to take on too much at one time. I was trying to unplug John's computer, plug in my charger, and plug in my phone, all while being chirped at by Julie to inseret her jelly green ear bud into the side of my face. My brain gave out for a slight moment while I tried thinking about everything going on. Where were a few moments there where I just rocked back and forth because I didn't know where to go, too many programs were running at once.
Thats how I feel here quite often. Anyways, this might be the last blog for a little while. I mean maybe not, but there are no promises. At least for the next week, because finals are going to be kicking my butt.
So this weekend. Boring as all hell let me tell you. I am still not sure that I am making the right decision by staying here, but we'll see. If things don't get better after next semester I might have to peace out. Hanging out with Julie is fun and all, but aside from her I really have no one. So the weekend was spent alone, because she has John. That is totally understandable though. If I had a boyfriend I would be hanging out with him as well. It's just hard because I feel like no matter how hard I try people are still being idiots about Julie and I roomming together next year. So this weekend was hard. Friday night, Becca saved me and invited me to go to Lisa and Gretchen's room to watch Enchanted. That was fun. But last night I was just really upset and went to bed at 10:00 because I had nothing better to do. Lame. I know.
For the rest of the week I will be spending some quality time with the library. The days will be wasted away, filled with biology, chemistry, humanities, and education. Well, kind of. Julie and decided that the next few days before the final fun actually begins we are going to rot our brains slightly. This will be done with mass amount of movies as well as popcorn and some not-so-good for you food. This fun starts tonight, despite the tests tomorrow. Not even Dr. Sodegren and his 8 chapters of Biology can stop us on our final nights of freshman year.
I suppose I should be going now though. Movie fun begins in 1.5 hours! Good luck with finals everyone!
Thats how I feel here quite often. Anyways, this might be the last blog for a little while. I mean maybe not, but there are no promises. At least for the next week, because finals are going to be kicking my butt.
So this weekend. Boring as all hell let me tell you. I am still not sure that I am making the right decision by staying here, but we'll see. If things don't get better after next semester I might have to peace out. Hanging out with Julie is fun and all, but aside from her I really have no one. So the weekend was spent alone, because she has John. That is totally understandable though. If I had a boyfriend I would be hanging out with him as well. It's just hard because I feel like no matter how hard I try people are still being idiots about Julie and I roomming together next year. So this weekend was hard. Friday night, Becca saved me and invited me to go to Lisa and Gretchen's room to watch Enchanted. That was fun. But last night I was just really upset and went to bed at 10:00 because I had nothing better to do. Lame. I know.
For the rest of the week I will be spending some quality time with the library. The days will be wasted away, filled with biology, chemistry, humanities, and education. Well, kind of. Julie and decided that the next few days before the final fun actually begins we are going to rot our brains slightly. This will be done with mass amount of movies as well as popcorn and some not-so-good for you food. This fun starts tonight, despite the tests tomorrow. Not even Dr. Sodegren and his 8 chapters of Biology can stop us on our final nights of freshman year.
I suppose I should be going now though. Movie fun begins in 1.5 hours! Good luck with finals everyone!
May 1, 2008
Circles So Large My Face Might Turn Black
This is it, the final 100 in the 3,000 meter haul. You have steadily pushed yourself along for the first 2800m, and now it is time to give all that you have left in hopes of pushing ahead that extra two seconds. In the midst of the race you had those little bursts of energy as someone tried to pass you, but those were only midterms. But this, this is it. All or nothing baby! I can't help but think about the lack of sleep that lies ahead. And it all starts tonight. With less than eight days until my first final, it is time to kick it in. I took the time last night to finish reading my Nicholas Sparks book and watch last weeks Grey's episode. That was my last night of true relaxation for the next eleven days. Honestly I don't even know what I am doing blogging right now when I have so much to do.
My life for the next week and a half will consist of ( appearing in order of time spent) studying, eating, working out, sleeping. I am doing all of this in hopes of a decent GPA this semester (of course). After these next few days though I will be home free! I will be busting out of this place and never looking back. Happy that I have a summer to get away from the people. I have decided that if things do not get better after the first month or so I am just going to go to UB.
What else is there to talk about? Life has been dull lately. No romantic scandals, not much friend drama (aside from the fact that I have pretty much no friends here anyways), and nothing new. Well...There is one thing but Julie and I are going to try and keep it on the D.L. until it actually happens. Then we will just shock the pants off of everyone.
This weekend is parents weekend! My daddy and sister are coming out on Saturday for my jazz band concert. If you are around you best be coming because I have this quartet solo type thing. Starts at 1:30 in Pew. Speaking of saxophone, next year, this girl is going to be auditioning for the jazz ensemble not stage band. I am going to have to work extremely hard this summer because John is really good, but from what I hear its not always about skill. When it comes to the attitude of playing and not being cocky about it, I believe I have the upper hand.
O yes, and as promised days ago: A few photos from the mural that I painted in the baby's room:
My life for the next week and a half will consist of ( appearing in order of time spent) studying, eating, working out, sleeping. I am doing all of this in hopes of a decent GPA this semester (of course). After these next few days though I will be home free! I will be busting out of this place and never looking back. Happy that I have a summer to get away from the people. I have decided that if things do not get better after the first month or so I am just going to go to UB.
What else is there to talk about? Life has been dull lately. No romantic scandals, not much friend drama (aside from the fact that I have pretty much no friends here anyways), and nothing new. Well...There is one thing but Julie and I are going to try and keep it on the D.L. until it actually happens. Then we will just shock the pants off of everyone.
This weekend is parents weekend! My daddy and sister are coming out on Saturday for my jazz band concert. If you are around you best be coming because I have this quartet solo type thing. Starts at 1:30 in Pew. Speaking of saxophone, next year, this girl is going to be auditioning for the jazz ensemble not stage band. I am going to have to work extremely hard this summer because John is really good, but from what I hear its not always about skill. When it comes to the attitude of playing and not being cocky about it, I believe I have the upper hand.
O yes, and as promised days ago: A few photos from the mural that I painted in the baby's room:
Let me know what you think kids!
April 27, 2008
Just Turn On Your Faucet
I don't know if I have the words to exactly describe this weekend. It was many things, all good though. Where to begin? I guess Friday is a good place to start:We left campus around 3:00 with a grumpy Dick and some awkward girl. The ride home was quiet though, because we were all tired. After arriving at home, I gave Julie a tour of my house and then we went out for her first fish fry down at Olympia. I believe that she thoroughly enjoyed that fishy. After that we went to the baseball game down at the high school where they were losing 10 - 0. O yes. Good ol' G-Town sports...How I missed them. Then the good part: Midnight bowling! Julie got to experience a little piece of the bowling craze in WNY. She did well too, and was impressed by Ben's mad skills. Emma also came with us which was nice because I had not seen her since all this shit hit the fan. We then took Julie to Timmy Ho's for the first time where we got doughnuts and caffeine. Her first time and she wins a coffee on roll up the rim. Not a boat like she was hoping for, but a winner all the same. Beginners luck.
Next came Saturday:
We slept as long as we could before being awakened because we needed to go to Wal Mart. I think we made more trips to Wal Mart this weekend than I ever have made in such a short amount of time. After all of this, we went to Ashley's to finish painting some grass on the mural and finally to the baby shower. It was a good time. Surrounding myself with all this baby makes me want one desperately. I clearly know I am not ready for that yet, because we all know what needs to happen for a baby to enter into my care. I have been thinking about the parenting idea. It seems almost scary that anyone can just get pregnant and then have this little life suddenly in their possession. That is such a big responsibility, and anyone can take it on. It's almost not fair to that child. Most people that get pregnant outside of marriage are in no ways qualified to take care of a life outside of their own. Parenting is a greater responsibility than many things in life, like driving, college, or working, because its not just our own life you are worrying about. At least when you go to college or get your licence there is something that you have to do to make sure that you are qualified. Parenting, heck you could be living on the streets, get pregnant, and 9 months later BAM you have a child! Scary.
Well that was a really random tangent. Anyways, after the baby shower we went to my dad's for a BBQ rib dinner and some good times. Then, the highlight of our weekend Niagara Falls! It was so cute watching Julie get all excited to watch some water flow over a cliff. She was like a little kid on Christmas! We then drove back to my house to watch Sweeny Todd with Benjamin. I'm sure it was a good movie, but I spent two hours falling asleep in Benjamin's arms. It was cute. :] Can't say there are many things better than that.
Last but not least came Sunday:
First things first, church. Hm. That was an interesting series of events. It was good, but I was a little scared since my mother spent 20 minutes after church talking to someones parents in the church office. I guess they were just curious as to what happened since I never picked him up from the airport last weekend. At least that is all I could get out of my mother. I already have one set of parent's hating me, the last thing I need is another one, especially not this one. The rest of Sunday was spent hanging out at my house until Dick finally called giving us the time and location for pick-up. It was a boring ride home, and Dick was still acting sour. :[
Now it's back to school for the next two weeks and if there has ever been a time to it the books, this is it. I am planning on living in the library for the next 14 nights, drinking large amounts of coffee, and studying hard. I am beginning to regret some of my decisions not to apply myself as much as a I could be (as I sit in class and write this post), but I really think I am going to start trying. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that I hate being in my room. The weather here is also going to be extremely conducive to studying since the 10-day forecast calls for rain almost every day. This is going to be a very demanding time, and I am looking forward to going home for the summer and sleeping for hours and hours.
Well this post has gotten long enough and I should probably start paying attention now. Enjoy your weeks!
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