Breaking the Fast

I knew that I would not last very long without blogging. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I want to share, I just do not believe that I can go very long without writing anything. My mind literally lives and breathes sentences that I want to write down. It is kind of like people who love math. We have all heard about those that just love rearranging numbers in their minds to form patterns and make them more interesting. These people are commonly known as the Math nerds. I wonder if computer geeks think about codes and programs that they could create? Unlike them, I do not think about numbers and computer programs but words and sentence structure. Oh dear that makes me sound...Well, I do not even have the words. I promise those of you who may not know me, I am not as strange as I may come across on here. Anyways, the moral of the story is that I love to write. I truly think I have discovered one of my greatest passions and maybe eventually, greatest talent.

Tonight I am going to pour out my thoughts about all that is changing around me. Change is happening every single day, and today more than ever I realized that nothing stays as it is. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me as I embark on a new adventure. To be honest I have no idea what I am getting into, and as I sit here surrounded by all of my belongings packed up and ready to go I cannot help but feel a mix of emotions. First of all I am excited. Excited to see what life has up ahead and excited to meet an entire group of new people. Second, I am nervous. Who wouldn't be? It is like Freshman year of college all over again, because I have no idea who I am going to be living with for the next two months. I can't help but think about the worse possible case scenarios. I am sure it is going to be awesome, but you cannot blame me for being a bit skeptical. So that is the change that is up ahead. At least I have fair warning, that is something to be thankful for.

I do have a bit of sad news, hopefully I can keep in the tears while writing all of this down. I apologize in advance if I choke anyone up while reading this. This morning my mom and I took our dog, Mulligan, to the vet and when we walked out he was no longer with us. We got our spunky Golden Retriever named Sir Mulligan Stu when I was only 10 years old. He turned 13 this April, and it was only this year that you would have ever known that he was such an old dog. Even I began to lose track of the years, naively believing that Mulligan would be forever young. Well unfortunately this past week he began losing weight and tumors we growing at various places on his body. His arthritis was also getting worse and he could no longer even stand up without someones help. So this morning when my mom told me that she scheduled a doctors appointment for him, I knew that this was it. It was time to start saying our goodbyes. It was difficult listening to my mom recall all of the happy memories and good times that we shared with Mulligan while we made the trip to the Veterinarians. I just starred out the widow for fear of completely losing it. I often wonder if after so many years of living with humans, can animals begin to understand what we are saying? Maybe that is a stupid thought, but it does bring me some comfort to believe that maybe they can. The doctor told us that there were not very many options and so we decided that it was time to end his suffering. I can say that saying goodbye was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I will never forget the way that Mulli looked at me when the doctor carried him out of the room. At that moment I just knew that we were making the right decision and it was almost as if he was telling me it was going to be okay. He was looking right into my eyes as the doctor carried him away, and I will never be able to forget it. I am all choked up right now just typing this. Being home has been hard because I am so used to him always being here. I am still expecting to hit him with the basement door when I come flying up the stairs or to hear him scratching at my bedroom door any minute now. While this is all very hard, I am also thankful that he is not suffering any more. And I am even more thankful that I got the chance to know him at all, that he gave me all of the childhood memories that he did.
Okay, I will stop making you tear up now. On a happy, rather exciting note, there have been some good changes that have occured with me. First things first, I chopped off all my hair! Not too much of course, but enough. I do like my hair shorter rather than longer. Secondly, after much thinking and designing I have finally gotten my first tattoo. I designed it myself which makes it mean that much more. It is a cross with a jesus fish composed of two nails wrapped around it. It also says Via, Verita, Vita which means the way, the truth, and the life in Italian. I got it on my left side, on my ribs, which I hear is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo. It was painful, but still bearable. It still does not seem real, and I am half expecting that it is going to come off the next time I take a shower. Alright I am sorry to end this so abrubtly because there is so much more that I want to write about and tell about, but I am afraid that it is 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up early to finish packing and get on the road. I do not know when I am going to be able to write again so for all I know this could be it for the summer. Please keep me in your prayers this summer and I will do my best to keep you updated. <3