COTW!

Welcome to Resort…Er, I mean CAMP-of-the-WOODS. This is where I am going to be spending the next nine weeks of my life. So far I have rather mixed emotions about the place. It is called Camp-of-the-Woods, but in reality there is nothing that "camp-ish" about it. I am living in a dorm room (much nicer than any rooms at Grove City) with 2 other girls. We have our own bathroom, spacious closets, and an amazing common room downstairs. I must admit that we are a bit spoiled. These accommodations are great, but I am having trouble coming up with a reason for their necessity. The schedule that I am following so far gives me very little time to enjoy such amenities. I am so tired at the end of the day that I could be sleeping in a tent in the middle of the woods every night and I would be content. So to make matters worse, because our rooms are so nice they are militant about keeping them clean. I actually think they do room checks more often than the actual military. Every single morning our rooms get inspected. All beds must be made, floors cleaned and vacuumed, beds made, nothing is allowed on any counters or surfaces that is not a shelf, and I could keep going. When am I going to find time to clean? Well, at 10:00pm of course. After a day of working from 7:15 in the morning to 5:30, then dinner, then a mandatory group "fun" activity, I am ready for bed at 9:00 when they finally take the shackles off our feet. Okay, so I may be a little over dramatic because it isn't terrible but right now I am so exhausted that all I want to do is collapse. Which is exactly what I am going to do. My roommate just got out of the shower and so I am going to take one and crash. I will finish this post later.

Alright I am going to try and finish this up before I fall asleep. This post has been written over the course of two days by the way. I started it last night (Monday) and it is now Tuesday night. Today I am feeling much better about all of the work that we have to do than yesterday. It is really the people that have made it fun and completely worthwhile. Today as part of our "training" the entire rec staff was required to do the zip line. For those of you that do not know what that is, it is a wire 40 feet up in the air that you zoom across. The scariest part is climbing all the way up the tree and getting yourself onto the platform. Once I was up there I was more or less fine. Jumping off was a bit daunting, but completely worthwhile. One of the greatest parts was encouraging each other, especially those that were terrified, to jump. We all did it! All 18 (I think.) of us on the recreation staff. Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day because we have a carnival that we are running for the entire town of Speculator, not that it is very big, and the rest of the COTW staff. Unfortunately this does mean that we are required to work until at least 9:00 tomorrow night with no breaks in between except for lunch and dinner. In all seriousness, I do not think that I have ever worked so hard in my life. What makes it all worth it is the fun that we have been having after 6:30pm. The girls have been getting together to do Zumba, an amazing dance workout and 8 minute abs. I am going to be in the best shape of my life at the end of this summer.

I know that I have so much more I want to write about but I am so tired I need to get some sleep. My alarm goes off much earlier than I would like it too. I hope to find the energy to get a good post in eventually, but right now I can hardly think straight. Hope you have enjoyed!

Breaking the Fast

I knew that I would not last very long without blogging. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I want to share, I just do not believe that I can go very long without writing anything. My mind literally lives and breathes sentences that I want to write down. It is kind of like people who love math. We have all heard about those that just love rearranging numbers in their minds to form patterns and make them more interesting. These people are commonly known as the Math nerds. I wonder if computer geeks think about codes and programs that they could create? Unlike them, I do not think about numbers and computer programs but words and sentence structure. Oh dear that makes me sound...Well, I do not even have the words. I promise those of you who may not know me, I am not as strange as I may come across on here. Anyways, the moral of the story is that I love to write. I truly think I have discovered one of my greatest passions and maybe eventually, greatest talent.

Tonight I am going to pour out my thoughts about all that is changing around me. Change is happening every single day, and today more than ever I realized that nothing stays as it is. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me as I embark on a new adventure. To be honest I have no idea what I am getting into, and as I sit here surrounded by all of my belongings packed up and ready to go I cannot help but feel a mix of emotions. First of all I am excited. Excited to see what life has up ahead and excited to meet an entire group of new people. Second, I am nervous. Who wouldn't be? It is like Freshman year of college all over again, because I have no idea who I am going to be living with for the next two months. I can't help but think about the worse possible case scenarios. I am sure it is going to be awesome, but you cannot blame me for being a bit skeptical. So that is the change that is up ahead. At least I have fair warning, that is something to be thankful for.

I do have a bit of sad news, hopefully I can keep in the tears while writing all of this down. I apologize in advance if I choke anyone up while reading this. This morning my mom and I took our dog, Mulligan, to the vet and when we walked out he was no longer with us. We got our spunky Golden Retriever named Sir Mulligan Stu when I was only 10 years old. He turned 13 this April, and it was only this year that you would have ever known that he was such an old dog. Even I began to lose track of the years, naively believing that Mulligan would be forever young. Well unfortunately this past week he began losing weight and tumors we growing at various places on his body. His arthritis was also getting worse and he could no longer even stand up without someones help. So this morning when my mom told me that she scheduled a doctors appointment for him, I knew that this was it. It was time to start saying our goodbyes. It was difficult listening to my mom recall all of the happy memories and good times that we shared with Mulligan while we made the trip to the Veterinarians. I just starred out the widow for fear of completely losing it. I often wonder if after so many years of living with humans, can animals begin to understand what we are saying? Maybe that is a stupid thought, but it does bring me some comfort to believe that maybe they can. The doctor told us that there were not very many options and so we decided that it was time to end his suffering. I can say that saying goodbye was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I will never forget the way that Mulli looked at me when the doctor carried him out of the room. At that moment I just knew that we were making the right decision and it was almost as if he was telling me it was going to be okay. He was looking right into my eyes as the doctor carried him away, and I will never be able to forget it. I am all choked up right now just typing this. Being home has been hard because I am so used to him always being here. I am still expecting to hit him with the basement door when I come flying up the stairs or to hear him scratching at my bedroom door any minute now. While this is all very hard, I am also thankful that he is not suffering any more. And I am even more thankful that I got the chance to know him at all, that he gave me all of the childhood memories that he did.
Okay, I will stop making you tear up now. On a happy, rather exciting note, there have been some good changes that have occured with me. First things first, I chopped off all my hair! Not too much of course, but enough. I do like my hair shorter rather than longer. Secondly, after much thinking and designing I have finally gotten my first tattoo. I designed it myself which makes it mean that much more. It is a cross with a jesus fish composed of two nails wrapped around it. It also says Via, Verita, Vita which means the way, the truth, and the life in Italian. I got it on my left side, on my ribs, which I hear is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo. It was painful, but still bearable. It still does not seem real, and I am half expecting that it is going to come off the next time I take a shower. Alright I am sorry to end this so abrubtly because there is so much more that I want to write about and tell about, but I am afraid that it is 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up early to finish packing and get on the road. I do not know when I am going to be able to write again so for all I know this could be it for the summer. Please keep me in your prayers this summer and I will do my best to keep you updated. <3

An Old End. A New Beginning.

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and much of that has included this little blog of mine. We have been through a lot together, especially the past few months. Whenever I need to let off some steam and write, this is usually where I come to do it. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and I hope those of you that have read this have enjoyed them as well. So here is the hard part. I think it is time for me let this blog go. We have had a nice year and a half together, but as in all things we are coming to an end. I think my life is beginning to head down a different path, different from what I would have predicted a few months or even weeks ago. I guess things have been changing for some time now, I just was not ready to accept that. So now, thinking clearly, I am ready to push ahead out into the world. People change, and all it takes as a matter of months. I have seen it in others before my very eyes and I am seeing change taking place in myself all the time. I don't know what is in store for me, or what lay on the path ahead but you can bet that I am excited to find out. It is like God has taken me by the hand and ever so gently, despite all my tugging and fighting to go my own way, He has led me here. Right where I need to be.

Saying goodbye here is kind of hard, but I am sure that I will be starting a new blog soon enough. Just not all of you are going to know where to find it. Sorry. I believe that it is time to cut off some old ties, close some doors, and watch as new ones open. So in some ways, continuing to write here has been holding me back from where I need to be. Some of you may not understand what I am saying, but I know that others will. Lately I have just been led in a new direction, and I am scared and excited at the same time to see where I am going to end up. Some old relationships have been rekindled the past few weeks and others have come to an abrupt end. As sad as that is, like I said before, people change. I have found myself looking at some old friends hardly knowing who they are and I am sure they have thought the same in me. I can't say that I am complaining, I believe my change is good. That is why this last thread from the past few months needs to be cut. I'm not going to completely delete it off the world wide web, there are too many memories here and too many lessons that I have learned to just let it all go. I am sure there is going to come a time when I will want to come back and reminisce. And who knows maybe these doors of my life will be opened back up someday. Right now I can't really say since they have so firmly been shut.

So in closing, I hope you all have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Who even reads this anymore, I do not know. If ever I start a new blog, I will let some of you know and others I won't. Next time I write probably will not become such public knowledge. Sorry. Well I guess this is it, the end. I'm walking ahead down a new path, through new doors, and embarking on a new adventure.

Late Night Thinking

Sometimes the thoughts just can't wait until morning or sometime the next day to be put down. I believe that I work the best and think the clearest in the late hours of the night. It is when everyone else is sleeping that I can think clearest and work my best. If I was ever going to be a writer of any kind, I think I would do all of my work late at night. It is so peaceful. If it was warmer outside I would be out on the back porch right now, at 1:45 in the morning. Instead, picture this if you will, I am sitting in the basement inside of a one person Winnie the Pooh tent that my little brother managed to acquire today. I am nestled into a bundle of blankets and the song We Weren't Crazy by Josh Gracin is playing softly in the background. Real quick, can I just take the time to say how much I love Rascal Flatts and their new C.D. I don't know what they are going through, but the C.D. that they put out before this one was filled with love songs and now this one is a bit more depressing, not so happy. I don't mind, speaks to me in my time of need as well as many others I am sure. The best part is, my favorite song, Unstoppable is what they named their C.D. after. Give it is a listen and you will see what I mean. It should be the song that is playing on my blog right now, so turn up that volume.

Today was Sunday and unfortunately I had to work this evening. It almost seems like a completely different day already, like I did not even work today, but unfortunately the throbbing of my feet tells me otherwise. After work tonight I went and spent some time with my good friend Ashley who is having some guy problems of her own at the moment. It is not so much that I can relate to what she is going through, but the fact that I am there to listen and try to offer her some advice when possible. It is hard to know where she is really at, what to say, what not to say because we do have differing views on a lot of life. What I do know is that I am going to be as real as I possibly can with her. All that I went through this year is no secret, and I feel comfortable sharing it with any girl that wants to listen or feels like they can relate. Did I make mistakes? Undoubtedly. But despite any of that, I learned so much more. And what is more important, is that there is no denying God's grace and His hand working in any of it. I was not shy in mentioning tonight that without my faith, without Jesus, I would not be where I am right now. I will make that perfectly clear to anyone who wants to hear my story.

Tonight as I drove home I realized how much I love driving, especially alone. I can think and pray more than most other times throughout my day. I pulled into my driveway at about 1:30 this morning and just sat there for a couple minutes before getting out of the car. Tonight was a beautiful night, another great thing about living in a small town in the middle of nowhere. The stars were out and the moon (half moon) was huge and orange. You know what I am talking about? And it was beautiful because those little wispy clouds were slightly covering it, but not too much. Just enough to add a cool effect. I could not help but stand there and soak it all in for a few moments, taking the time to thank the Lord for absolutely everything.

Today was Sunday, which means that I went to church this morning! It was actually the first time in a few weeks that I was at my own church because I have been such a gypsy lately. Last week I went to a Catholic service with my grandmother and who knows where I was the week before. Anyways, it served as the rejuvenation and refreshment that I have been looking for. Today's message talked about sanctification and becoming a sanctified people. The main passage for the message this morning was 1 Peter 4:1-6 and I would highly recommend looking into it if you get the chance. The words of Pastor Vern that stuck with me the most came as he defined sanctification; becoming so tuned in to what God is doing that you see Him everywhere. I can't quite imagine that, obviously because God is not done with me yet. I mean can you imagine being that in tune with God that you can see how He is at work in everything? Another great analogy that was brought to my attention this morning was our Christian walk being described as a yo-yo. We all know that it is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, in betweens, blacks, whites, and shades of gray. While we are going through these highs and lows however we are learning and growing with each step of the way. So instead of just a yo-yo, it is more like we are yo-yoing while continually climbing up a flight of stairs. I can see it in my own life. I just know that slowly but surely Jesus is infiltrating every area of my life. When I finally give Him one thing, He asks for another and then another. Hands down, Jesus is pretty much the coolest person I know. End of discussion.