Scribbles

There are days that I scream to be real.

I have a strong desire to peel away the mask that has been plastered on.

And then there are times when I wonder if it is even a mask at all or simply influences from all that surrounds me.

Church, family, friends - each with its own associated stigmas and pressures. What is real? What is right? Who am I?

-A question that has been asked by millions who have gone before me.

I know who I am to an extent - I know what I am passionate about, what my desires are, who I love...

...But even these are always changing.

With the great capacity that I have for love and life, comes the same capacity for the opposite.

It is crazy when you think about it really.

I see my life as my own personal mission. It is a mission that everyone is on whether they realize it or not -

I am not out to accuse, to discover right versus wrong, to condemn - but to find what He has for me.

I am of the belief that if my focus is upward, all else will fall into place - despite what the institution tells me.

But what I am convinced my eyes are on Him and they are convinced their gaze is upward - and we still agree to disagree?

Then what?

Sorry about all the nonsense ramblings. There has been a lot on my mind lately - I guess that is one of the things that comes with this Christian walk. I think too much sometimes and ask way too many questions.

Being stuck here amongst conservative Christian students can be stifling - all the more reason for me to exercise my inquisitive faculties and get them riled up.

I hate the idea of blindly accepting what has been put before you as a maturing Christian. Ones faith as a child serves as a foundation - but there comes a time when you have to begin thinking on your own.

All I am saying is that many people here never do that. They take what parents, pastors, and professors have to say without thinking about it themselves.

Well-

That. Won't. Be. Me.