Painting A New Picture

It appears to be a general pattern that I have periods when the creative juices are flowing and other times that are more of a dry spell. I have had the desire to write again for quite some time now, it just has not worked its way up on the priority list. Grove City College is kicking my butt this semester, and that's an understatement. With 17 credits (5 classes), RA responsibilities, 2 on-campus jobs (really only working about 6 hours a week), jazz band, and racquetball it is no wonder I am 'feelin' it.' When I write it all out like that even I can't help but think maybe I am a little crazy. I really can't believe that I am back at school already, and I am even more shocked that we are 4 weeks in. Say what?!

So what has been going on? What have I spent the last month and a half of my life doing? I am sure you are all chomping at the bit, just dying to know. So here we go with my recent spin on life. I feel like it has been changing rather frequently, gradually gaining ground (that's some sweet alliteration right there...sorry, English major in me taking over) on the 'liberal' side of the fence. That statement alone may be enough to make some of my fellow classmates scowl, close this window, and walk away. If you are so closed-minded that you have already formed such an opinion, then by all means please stop reading. Those actions are exactly what have brought me to the place I am now, and they are ultimately only working to prove my point.

In all seriousness though I have to thank Grove City College and its conservative ideals for what it has done for me. It has brought me to a place of greater understanding and openness. It has certainly encouraged me to break out of this 'mold', to see that there is more out there than just what is presented to us here on this campus. It is those conversations of theology, those ones way over my head, that I hear on a daily basis, which make me wonder. I mean arguing with someone about predestination, what forms of worship are 'acceptable', or what denomination has better theology is pointless to me. If someone who has no idea who Jesus really is was to walk by during that conversation, you really think they are going to be convinced of his love, his mercy, or grace? I think they are going to be thankful they never got involved in all of this religious nonsense because of the tension, conflict, and course closed-mindedness that is so often associated with people who claim Jesus as their God.

Where has the simplicity of it all gone? And by simplicity I do not mean that choosing Jesus is easy, quite the opposite. Where is the unrelenting love? Countless times have I felt unloved and unaccepted in a supposedly 'Christian' setting. Of course, I am guilty of it myself! This is where we go wrong. We are so busy condemning and forming our own opinions of sin in this world, we forget that maybe if we cared more, if we really loved, then maybe these sin issues would take care of themselves. If our focus is truly on Jesus then don't worry, He will make us alarmingly aware of our sins. We don't need the church, a place that should be safe, filled with love and support, condemning and looking down on us. I do believe that we are called to challenge and confront each other, but in no way have we been granted the authority to condemn. So I would really appreciate it if you let Jesus deal with me. I can assure you that I am seeking him whole heartedly, that I am seeking Him for the answers to these tough questions. He does place people in our paths that help us answer these questions, that listen and work through them with us, so don't think that I am saying not to seek advice. I am just hesitant to come to people with my issues that I know will immediately lead into a discussion of the do's and don'ts of Christianity.

I am sick and tired of the black and white, the rules! I hate the Christian's daily 'checklist.' Did I read my Bible today? Check. Pray? Check. Help an old lady cross the street? Check. Sin as little as possible? Check. If everything has been done, then I guess I have been a pretty good Christian today. That list only leaves me exhausted and anxious. So then what should I be doing? If I throw away these rules and these lists, what does that leave me with? How do I live outside of the box that has built around me throughout my entire Christian walk? I guess breaking down these walls puts me on level ground with all of the other sinners out there. I am no longer separating myself, blind and unaware of what is actually taking place in the world around me. This mindset ultimately brings freedom. I can be like Jesus and reach people where they are at, bringing them what they actually need, not what I think they need. Jesus said that when someone is thirsty, BRING THEM WATER. He didn't say pray with them, read Scripture with them, or convict them or their sins. He said meet them where they are at. These acts of love, true love, will reveal Jesus in your life. It will leave people wondering what it is about you that is so different, because I promise you they will wonder.

Doesn't this picture of Jesus sound better than what we are used to hearing from churches today? We forget that Jesus can work with us where we are at now, that He isn't trying to make us become someone we are not. I still have a lot to learn and a lot of questions yet to be answered, but I am seeking Him and I am searching for the truth. And that, I believe, is what matters.