Becoming Real

Alright so this is going to be the third blog that I have attempted to write in the past two or three weeks. The first two clearly never got finished but hopefully I will be able to finish this one. So many things have happened since the last time that I wrote I really do not even know where to begin. I have been at camp for almost 5 weeks now, and already so much has changed since the day I first set foot into room 253 of Zeitfuss 2. This may sound selfish, I will explain more later, but I knew coming into this summer that it was going to be about me. I knew that I was ready for a change, for something to be different. I knew that I was ready to put aside the plastic smile, the "everything is going to be okay" line, and for the first time in my life lay everything down and figure out what it's like to be real.

The world is screaming at us to be these fake people wearing nothing greater than a size 2, showing girls movies with nothing less than a happy ending , and begging us to keep all of our issues inside and under control.I think half of the problems this world has today would be solved if people were just real. It is keeping everything bottled up and inside that ultimately causes one to snap.

I have always been a rather observant person, but now I feel like there is a whole new level to my observations. The people that seem to have it all together are in actuality the people who are lost. It makes me sad because they are lost and do not even know it. Not until you sit down and deal with your issues, feel them, take them in, are you going to find true peace and contentment. I am sure that some of you reading this are thinking that I have jumped off the deep end. Or maybe you are thinking, "What is she talking about? I really don't have that many issues to deal with." Coming into this summer I thought the same exact thing. But what I have realized is that even the problems that seem small to you can have a bigger impact than you think. Bottom line, your issues are your issues and whether you like it or not they need to be dealt with.

How we deal with all of these emotions and problems is another issue in and of itself. We all have our coping mechanisms, some may be healthier than others, but in essence they serve the same purpose. I guess I'll be real here and share mine with you. The way I cope with everything is nothing extreme, it is socially acceptable, which is why until now no one has called me out on it before. So what do I do when someone or something sets me off? Plain and simple, I work out. I will go running, play racquetball, go rock climbing, play tennis, or anything that gets my blood pounding and my heart racing. Working out is healthy, when it's not covering up your issues. If you know me well enough I am sure that if you really think about it you will know how true that rings with me. Just because I have recognized this doesn't mean that I have completely stopped this behavior, but I think that just realizing how I deal with everything is the first step.

So now what? I mean where in the world does Jesus fit into all of this? Well, let me tell you that I have been clinging to Him like none other these past few weeks. My strength in dealing with all of these issues comes from Him and Him alone. Without Him I don't know if I would have been able to handle laying everything down and actually dealing with it, it would have completely broken me. But I must say that He has kept me relatively strong throughout it all. Another lesson that He is teaching me is how to be patient. I am at the point in my life where I am waiting on a lot of things. I am waiting to figure out my calling in life, who I am going to marry, what to do after college, and the list could continue on. Instead of waiting many times I find myself needing or anticipating the things that I want instead of clinging to Jesus and what He wants for me. It is not until I am completely filled and satisfied with myself in Him that I am going to be ready to love another person.

These are just the things that I have been working through and dealing with since coming here. In some ways this camp is nothing like I expected, but in other ways it is everything that I hoped it would be and then some. It hasn't been easy realizing that life is not all rosy and sometimes it just isn't going to be okay, but I suppose that is what being real is all about. The good news in all of this is that when you are real, that is where true peace, true understanding, true caring, and true love are really found.