A Piggy Back Ride

I think that if one more thing was to go wrong right now I would probably break down into tears and I honestly do not know if I would be able to stop. I told myself that I was not going to 'loose it' until I get home for break, but that seems to be getting harder and harder to do. Academically this week is the toughest that I have had in a long time. I have Genetics and Organic exams, a 12 page paper due, and a number of lab reports. I have been getting an average of 4 hours of sleep per night (sometimes less), and it is starting to catch up with me. I know because every little thing that goes wrong just makes me want to break down. I really hope that no one decides to play an April Fools joke on me because I don't think I can take it right now.

I did not want to write about my life in here anymore, but right now I need to do something and I have no wise words. I am wondering why this is all happening to me again. Twice in one year? Really? What is God trying to tell me? Love is hard! I can't expect that it is always going to be easy, that I am not going to struggle with it, but that is exactly (at this point in my life) what I am expecting right now. It is immature, trust me I know. I have so much to learn and such a long ways to go before I learn to love as the Lord has called me to love. I want more than anything to experience the love found in 1 Corinthians 13. I know what is expected of that kind of love, that it's not easy, but right now I am not mature enough to truly put that into practice. I have not grown up enough to know that true love always loves, keeping their significant others best interests in mind even when they don't always want to love them. It is not that I don't know what true love requires or that I am naive enough to think its going to be easy, but I think what it truly comes down to is my maturity. I am not ready to love another person because I first need to learn to love the Lord. Slowly but surely, I will learn.

There are some aspects of these struggles that I do enjoy. It is at these times that I feel closest to God because I can do nothing more than cling to Him. I know that my own strength is not enough, that He has grabbed my hand and slung me over His back, carrying me the whole way. So despite the stress, the nervousness, and my inability to focus, I will remain thankful. All of these struggles are serving a specific purpose to teach and mold me into the woman God wants me to be. After all, that is what it is all about.