A New Path

Depressing piano music playing in the background fits perfectly with my current mood. As I sit here and write this, I realize for the first time over this past two weeks that yes it really is over and life is moving onward. There is nothing wrong with that, it just takes some getting used to. One second you think your life is heading in one direction, and even when you think you have changed directions often times it doesn't really hit you until you are headed down the new path and you realize that this is it. There is no turning back now. I have a range of emotions coercing through my body right now: sad, excited, angry, mad, relieved. I could keep going but I'll leave it there. So this is it I have no choice now, completely in the dark, onward I go. I can't seem to get past the anger though. There are so many things I just want to go off on but I can't, because a) I did this to myself and b) I'm done with it all. Right now I could really use a nice long 5 mile run in which I sprint the whole way. I just want to run. I want my every muscle in my body to burn and I want to go until I can't possibly go anymore. There are so many things I want to do right now, a lot of pictures I want to delete, paper I want to tear up, old texts to erase, and I could go on. But I am not going to do any of that because I know that eventually I will regret it. I'm done now. I really needed to get a lot of that out there...

So here I go. Making a new path, new memories, a new adventure.

Despite the anger I do have a peace. I know this is the Lords will. That He is not going to lead me astray because I want to follow Him. More than anything else I want to follow Him. Because ultimately that is where true happiness lies. Instead of being angry or sad, I should probably be excited. I am. I must admit that I am a little scared. Heartbreak is not fun at all. It is too bad that I can't play guitar like Taylor Swift because I could probably write a damn good song about my life right about now. Hopefully the drama will begin to filter out so instead of living a soap opera I can live an episode of Full House or something. It starts off happy, then there is some conflict, but by the end of that 30 minute episode everyone is happy again. Unless, on some rare occasion, there is a 'to be continued....' episode. But even that would be fine right now.

Today was a good day filled with patriotism as I marched the streets of Washington D.C. It is tough though because there are so many things that I don't want to see right now. I am sick of seeing anything to do with the military, even the commercials on T.V. bother me. I can't listen to Rascal Flatts who was previously my favorite country band, and I cringe when I walk through a store and see their formal dresses. I hope and pray that eventually none of these things will have an effect on me. They say that time heals all wounds.

Anyways, D.C. was fun and I have some pictures from yesterday that I think I will put up. My cousin is driving everyone crazy, but that makes for some entertainment. She is a senior in high school and she thinks that she knows everything. And I mean everything. So we like to take advantage of that by acting really stupid just to push her buttons. Last night was by far the most entertaining dinner I have had in a long time. I'll try to give you a little taste of what I am talking about...Last night out of nowhere Nikki pulled out the classic line, 'That's what she said!' but she used it in completely the wrong context. So we decided to play along and ask 'What does that mean?' and she starts giving us this long explanation of how it's used as a joke, that if I guy says something funny you have to say 'That's what he said.', and how it originated approximately 4 years ago in a movie. And the best part is that she told us her friends are the people who started making it popular. In response we were shocked and said that her friends seemed like the coolest people on the planet so naturally we wanted to meet them. We started egging her on, encouraging her to invite them all over for a movie night, unfortunately all of them are currently in New York City. Does this sounds ridiculous to you? Well this is what I deal with when she is around. I know nothing, Nikki knows all, deal with it. So we make the best of it pretending to be stupid. I should really considering videotaping dinner tonight and posting it so that the world can get some good laughs. This post is long enough for now though, and it sure has taken me long enough to write. I am feeling better though. Being able to get everything out and recalling last nights dinner antics have helped. Maybe life shouldn't be taken so seriously. We should all stop worrying and just live it.