Becoming Real

Alright so this is going to be the third blog that I have attempted to write in the past two or three weeks. The first two clearly never got finished but hopefully I will be able to finish this one. So many things have happened since the last time that I wrote I really do not even know where to begin. I have been at camp for almost 5 weeks now, and already so much has changed since the day I first set foot into room 253 of Zeitfuss 2. This may sound selfish, I will explain more later, but I knew coming into this summer that it was going to be about me. I knew that I was ready for a change, for something to be different. I knew that I was ready to put aside the plastic smile, the "everything is going to be okay" line, and for the first time in my life lay everything down and figure out what it's like to be real.

The world is screaming at us to be these fake people wearing nothing greater than a size 2, showing girls movies with nothing less than a happy ending , and begging us to keep all of our issues inside and under control.I think half of the problems this world has today would be solved if people were just real. It is keeping everything bottled up and inside that ultimately causes one to snap.

I have always been a rather observant person, but now I feel like there is a whole new level to my observations. The people that seem to have it all together are in actuality the people who are lost. It makes me sad because they are lost and do not even know it. Not until you sit down and deal with your issues, feel them, take them in, are you going to find true peace and contentment. I am sure that some of you reading this are thinking that I have jumped off the deep end. Or maybe you are thinking, "What is she talking about? I really don't have that many issues to deal with." Coming into this summer I thought the same exact thing. But what I have realized is that even the problems that seem small to you can have a bigger impact than you think. Bottom line, your issues are your issues and whether you like it or not they need to be dealt with.

How we deal with all of these emotions and problems is another issue in and of itself. We all have our coping mechanisms, some may be healthier than others, but in essence they serve the same purpose. I guess I'll be real here and share mine with you. The way I cope with everything is nothing extreme, it is socially acceptable, which is why until now no one has called me out on it before. So what do I do when someone or something sets me off? Plain and simple, I work out. I will go running, play racquetball, go rock climbing, play tennis, or anything that gets my blood pounding and my heart racing. Working out is healthy, when it's not covering up your issues. If you know me well enough I am sure that if you really think about it you will know how true that rings with me. Just because I have recognized this doesn't mean that I have completely stopped this behavior, but I think that just realizing how I deal with everything is the first step.

So now what? I mean where in the world does Jesus fit into all of this? Well, let me tell you that I have been clinging to Him like none other these past few weeks. My strength in dealing with all of these issues comes from Him and Him alone. Without Him I don't know if I would have been able to handle laying everything down and actually dealing with it, it would have completely broken me. But I must say that He has kept me relatively strong throughout it all. Another lesson that He is teaching me is how to be patient. I am at the point in my life where I am waiting on a lot of things. I am waiting to figure out my calling in life, who I am going to marry, what to do after college, and the list could continue on. Instead of waiting many times I find myself needing or anticipating the things that I want instead of clinging to Jesus and what He wants for me. It is not until I am completely filled and satisfied with myself in Him that I am going to be ready to love another person.

These are just the things that I have been working through and dealing with since coming here. In some ways this camp is nothing like I expected, but in other ways it is everything that I hoped it would be and then some. It hasn't been easy realizing that life is not all rosy and sometimes it just isn't going to be okay, but I suppose that is what being real is all about. The good news in all of this is that when you are real, that is where true peace, true understanding, true caring, and true love are really found.

All the Differences

I am exhausted so I apologize in advance if this post is all over the place. I have been at CAMP-of-the-WOODS for about a week and a half now. I think this is a good time to write about my experiences because I am not loving the place right now but I am not hating it either. If it was not for the people that I have meet here, I know that I would not be enjoying myself as much as I am. The short time amount of time that I have been here has already affected my attitude and views of life as I know it. That sounds much more dramatic than it really is, but allow me to explain. Here I am in the middle of nowhere, the nearest anything is about an hour away, yet I feel like I have never been more surrounded by city life and their culture before. If I am being honest with myself, little Gowanda and even Buffalo are pretty safe and tame. I am used to the passiveness of quaint little towns like Gowanda and Grove City, and thanks to these places and these life experiences I have fallen in love with the outdoors, hiking, swimming, and anything else that might involve getting my hands dirty. So what I have realized is that it is a rather naïve thought to believe that most people have the same attitude and outlook on life. Of course I knew this, but never to the extent which I know now.

What really amazes me here is that while we all come from different backgrounds, most of us are all Christians, and a lot of us have very different stories and different paths that we have taken to get to where we are now. I have really enjoyed getting to know these girls though and hear their stories, because they are so real and have truly opened my eyes to what is going on elsewhere in the world. I just find it ironic that I am in the middle of nowhere yet I am more exposed to city life than ever before. Thanks to two of my roommates and the girls on my staff I currently have my hair in cornrows and have been learning the city talk, which is almost a new language in itself.

A lot of times when we sit down and we just talk about life I don't feel like I have a lot to contribute because I have not been through half of the things that some of these girls have been through. What I have realized that I can do though is just be there to listen. Who am I to try and fix things for them and give them life-changing advice anyways? That is one thing about my personality, I love to help people and I want to "fix" them. What I have been learning is that the only person who is qualified to truly fix people is Christ and Christ alone. I have discovered that listening, being open and understanding is often times more fulfilling than giving advice anyways. Hearing about the lives and experiences of those who have lived completely different lives than I have has been an eye opening and learning experience for me. I have discovered that there is not one set way to bring glory and praise to Jesus Christ. It is an amazing thing that while we are all so different, we are united because of one person.

That thinking brings me to another realization. Is it just me or do you ever find yourself wondering why it was that Christ had to die for us? Of course I know and understand that he died for our sins and to save us from what we truly deserve, but I can't help but wonder if maybe there was more. And now as I sit here reflecting, I truly see that it is through Christ we are all united. I have trouble thinking of anything else that would bring such different people together except the blood of Christ. Together we sing out His praises and we worship him, despite our broken pasts and where we come from, we worship the creator and the God of the universe! So on that note, I have truly been blessed to be here and I can't think of any better way to end this post so I am going to leave it right here.