Just Turn On Your Faucet

I don't know if I have the words to exactly describe this weekend. It was many things, all good though. Where to begin? I guess Friday is a good place to start:

We left campus around 3:00 with a grumpy Dick and some awkward girl. The ride home was quiet though, because we were all tired. After arriving at home, I gave Julie a tour of my house and then we went out for her first fish fry down at Olympia. I believe that she thoroughly enjoyed that fishy. After that we went to the baseball game down at the high school where they were losing 10 - 0. O yes. Good ol' G-Town sports...How I missed them. Then the good part: Midnight bowling! Julie got to experience a little piece of the bowling craze in WNY. She did well too, and was impressed by Ben's mad skills. Emma also came with us which was nice because I had not seen her since all this shit hit the fan. We then took Julie to Timmy Ho's for the first time where we got doughnuts and caffeine. Her first time and she wins a coffee on roll up the rim. Not a boat like she was hoping for, but a winner all the same. Beginners luck.

Next came Saturday:

We slept as long as we could before being awakened because we needed to go to Wal Mart. I think we made more trips to Wal Mart this weekend than I ever have made in such a short amount of time. After all of this, we went to Ashley's to finish painting some grass on the mural and finally to the baby shower. It was a good time. Surrounding myself with all this baby makes me want one desperately. I clearly know I am not ready for that yet, because we all know what needs to happen for a baby to enter into my care. I have been thinking about the parenting idea. It seems almost scary that anyone can just get pregnant and then have this little life suddenly in their possession. That is such a big responsibility, and anyone can take it on. It's almost not fair to that child. Most people that get pregnant outside of marriage are in no ways qualified to take care of a life outside of their own. Parenting is a greater responsibility than many things in life, like driving, college, or working, because its not just our own life you are worrying about. At least when you go to college or get your licence there is something that you have to do to make sure that you are qualified. Parenting, heck you could be living on the streets, get pregnant, and 9 months later BAM you have a child! Scary.

Well that was a really random tangent. Anyways, after the baby shower we went to my dad's for a BBQ rib dinner and some good times. Then, the highlight of our weekend Niagara Falls! It was so cute watching Julie get all excited to watch some water flow over a cliff. She was like a little kid on Christmas! We then drove back to my house to watch Sweeny Todd with Benjamin. I'm sure it was a good movie, but I spent two hours falling asleep in Benjamin's arms. It was cute. :] Can't say there are many things better than that.

Last but not least came Sunday:

First things first, church. Hm. That was an interesting series of events. It was good, but I was a little scared since my mother spent 20 minutes after church talking to someones parents in the church office. I guess they were just curious as to what happened since I never picked him up from the airport last weekend. At least that is all I could get out of my mother. I already have one set of parent's hating me, the last thing I need is another one, especially not this one. The rest of Sunday was spent hanging out at my house until Dick finally called giving us the time and location for pick-up. It was a boring ride home, and Dick was still acting sour. :[

Now it's back to school for the next two weeks and if there has ever been a time to it the books, this is it. I am planning on living in the library for the next 14 nights, drinking large amounts of coffee, and studying hard. I am beginning to regret some of my decisions not to apply myself as much as a I could be (as I sit in class and write this post), but I really think I am going to start trying. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that I hate being in my room. The weather here is also going to be extremely conducive to studying since the 10-day forecast calls for rain almost every day. This is going to be a very demanding time, and I am looking forward to going home for the summer and sleeping for hours and hours.

Well this post has gotten long enough and I should probably start paying attention now. Enjoy your weeks!

1,000 Feet Beet Below the Surface

No, you are not mistaken. The wonderful Julie Lane and I will be living underground next year. What about the rumors you ask? That it is in those rooms that girls have committed suicide. Well I believe that only adds to the suspense. Together we will read books such as The Guardian and watch movies like Sweeney Todd. Sure we may be scared out of our pants, but at least we will still have each other. Lately I have come to realize that we are extremely similar in many ways. For example, all we have is each other and a boy. Those relationships and a future OBGYN practice are about all we have going for ourselves at the moment. I kid you not.

Can we just talk about how stressful this past week was?! Not necessarily stressful with work, but with room draw and scheduling classes. Classes, o boy. We spent two hours in the computer lab with about 50 other students trying to log onto the network. It was a hellish nightmare. We were able to successfully get all of our classes though, even if they weren't at the preferred times. After scheduling we walked our way down to Sun Gins. O Victor...

He made us drink his iced green tea, because he claimed it would help us "pass our dinner" if you know what I mean. It was delicious I must say, and rather addicting. Maybe it was packed with some of that opium that the Chinese are oh so famous for.

We called by baby brother on the way back from Sun Gins, because today is his 3rd birthday. Oh he is just the cutest thing! I got on the phone and wished him happy birthday, but that was not enough. He procedded to say, "I thought you were going to sing to me?!" So of course all three of us sang, not very well I must confess.

I wish I could write more, but I am out of things to talk about. That and I really must stop wasting precious time in the library on this post and start working on a Biology lab report. Hope tomorrow proves to be a happy friday!

I Can See A Speck

Slowly, day by day, the light at the end of the tunnel is widening. For the first time I am beginning to see that the end is near. Finally! What made be see all of this you ask? Today marked the end of Chemistry lab and the end of saxophone lessons. While I still have one last lab report and have to appear next week for checkout, all the work is essentially done. Saxophone lessons are offically over. No more practicing, not that I did much anyways, and no more stressing out because I didn't practice. Biology lab is also finished, for the most part. It just doesn't feel like it yet because I still have two lab reports to finish. Another big indication of the end is everything that is going on this week in terms of preparation for next year. Room draw is tonight, and class regisration is on Thursday.

I could not be more excited for this year to be over and a new one to begin. Most importantly, I need to get out of this room. I am going to run out the door, arms wide open, accepting summer like a long lost friend, and never once will I look back. You couldn't pay me enough to repeat this year. All I pray is that next year will be much better. I think it should be...Next year everyone will have paired off with a person much like themselves. This year is just tough because you are surrounded by people you might not usually talk to. And this being Grove City...Well lets just say that those people are numerous.

So thanks to Julie I have discovered some really great music lately. Owl City, listen to them...I highly recommend it. I have found that music has that ability to just kind of take me away from everything going on around me. I relieves a lot of stress. In this room however, I am not allowed to really listen to music. I feel as though it is frowned upon because I get asked to turn off everytime I have it on.

The Fiver Letter D-Word

You know there is a problem when the first word said to you after reentering the Grove City College campus is "drama." No joke. As I walked up the four flights of stairs required to reach the second floor and turned the corner onto the hallway, my roommate stood there on the phone, looked at me, rolled her eyes and proclaimed that five letter d-word. I thought that maybe leaving for the weekend, all of the problems here would magically disappear. Needless to say, I thought wrong. Granted her drama is much different from anything going on within these campus limits, but it still makes this room a stressful place to be. Like I said in a previous post, you never know what's going to happen when you crack open the door of room 268.

Sometimes I wonder who lived in this room before us. What went on? Did everyone get along or was this room always so tense? I have decided that this room does not fit my personality at all. While I want to get out, party a little, act a little crazy, this room just screams at me to settle down, close the door, and act conservatively. Disgusting. Next year though..O baby you better watch out. My room is going to be filled with gangsta rap, dance parties, and pure fun. College is supposed to be fun, not a time to settle down.

My days of skanking it up are indeed over. That was short lived, but fun for the 4 days that it lasted. I can still have fun. I don't really need to be a skank to have fun. Besides, the guys here don't even understand the concept of being remotely skanky. I quickly learned that these guys don't want to get close to you at all unless there is a chance you could marry them. They won't even dance really. At the dance marathon, I mainly danced with Sadie and Julie because the guys felt the need to stand in a circle next to us and do their own thing. That's fine with me now, I've already found what I am looking for.

I should probably tell you all about this weekend. Most of my time was spent painting a mural or with Benjamin. It was a good weekend. The mural came out pretty well I think, at least it did for my first real mural. I am going to ask Ashley to take some pictures and then I'll post them up on here eventually. Then of course, Ben and I hung out the whole weekend. We stayed at my house the whole time, because I am scared of his. I am going to stay away as long as possible and let him fix things there. We are back together I suppose, but some people aren't going to find that out for a little while.

Alright, I do have some work that I need to get done here before Biology lab. Hopefully everyone had good weekends! <3

Kissing Under an Audience of Stars

It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. How I ever let him go to begin with I just have no idea. To be completely honest, I think it needed to happen. I am certainly more in love with him now, because I never realized what I had. I never realized that most other guys are not like Ben, that he is one in a million, and he chose me. This love is so much different than anything else. It's not even that mushy, I like you when the moment strikes kind of love. That's what it might have been before. It's hard to describe. Instead of that young naive love, its more of a...I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay with you no matter how hard. I want to be with you and only you forever, and I want to be there for everything that you go through.

Last night was really amazing. Everytime I looked at Ben I just could not help but smile. Probably the greatest thing about sitting back and watching him, is watching him play with John. It just might be the cutest thing I have ever seen. They were dancing together last night, and watching them 'shake it', was one of the greatest things I had seen in a while. He is going to make an amazing dad someday that is for sure.

Anyways, for those of you who are not feeling in such a way I will move onto a different topic, because you probably think I am crazy.

It is a great feeling to be home. Unfortunately I can't really go running since all of my sports bras have been left at school. I am itching to run too, but I really just can't do it. O well, I am going to do an ab workout and go for a long walk later. At least I will be doing something that way. Later, I am heading back over to Ashley's house to work on the mural in the baby's room. We got more done yesterday than I was expecting. I sketched everything out and then I got the tree trunk mostly finished along with some base coats on the dog house and the dog. I am really excited about the finished product, and I will be sure to put some picture up on here when it is all finished.

It is funny to come home after being gone for a little while. At least here, there have been a lot of minor changes around the house. It's nice though. My car is in the driveway and being worked on right this moment. I am extremely anxious to learn how to drive it since it is a standard. It might be a little rocky to start out with.

Well, I suppose I should probably get moving. I need to do some abs, shower, and go for a walk with Benjamin. Then the painting begins! Hopefully tonight after it is all finished I will be able to come home and relax. I hope everyone has an enjoyable Saturday. And for all you Grovers, enjoy the Gala!

Singeing My Fingertips

Yes, I am currently outside roasting like a rotisserie chicken on a stick. My fingertips are burning as I pound away at these jet black computer keys in an attempt to update the world on my life. This weather is beautiful! And while I came out here with the intention of studying for a Chemistry exam, I was overwhelmed with the need to broadcast this beauty to the world. For all of you not yet in college...I would only recommend studying outside if you have a minimal amount of work. For example, if you have a big test the next day: Don't Go Outside! Maybe I should take my own advice. Anyways, I can't stop smiling as I look around me to see dozens of other skanks laying here trying to get a tan. Notice I did say "other skanks." I've got the skanky shorts on, tank top, hair blowing in the wind. As the great Julie Lane would say, "The only way this could be any better is if I had some sand, water, and a pina colada."

Things are looking up from this side of the fence. They are slightly rocky of course, but nothing that a summer can not heal. You know, I enjoy writing so much maybe I am in the wrong major. Put the prospect of someday delivering babies really appeals to me, and I just don't think I can let that go. At least not for some crappy desk job writing up obituaries or wedding announcements. Yum.

While this blog started out happy and cheery, and it still kind of is for me, for other people things have taken an unexpected change. This week has taught me that you never really know when you will hit rock bottom. You may think you are there, that the only way to go is up, but further trials may come your way. There are however, two things that you can always be sure of
1. God will never test you with more than you can handle. If everything seems to be going wrong, know that you can and will pull through.
2. There will always, and I mean always, be someone who has it worse than you. You think you are struggling, I think the once stable, now widowed, homeless mother would love to be in your position. Just remember, it could always be worse.

There is warriors tonight, and that is reason for great rejoicing. It is so powerful, and every week I leave there completely rejuvenated. Nothing can beat worship in a dark room, music blasting, and hands raised. Can I get an Amen?

Tomorrow I go home! In many ways I am very excited about it, but I am also starting to really enjoy myself here. Next year when we all have cars it will be rather enjoyable. Alright, the creative juices are starting to run out, and all I want to do is lay down and bake for the next half hour. So that is precisely what I am going to do. Until we meet again...

Manure and Freshly Mowed Grass

Ahh yes...The smells of campus on a spring day. I have come to really appreciate them, yes even the maure. It reminds me of the hot summer days in middle school and high school that my mom would send me outside to spread mulch on the garden. Every year, without fail, I get sucked into performing such mundane tasks. I would always complain, but really the whole feeling of it all is quite exhilierating. Maybe I just think that now because I am missing summer. I can't wait to spend my days laying outside on the tampoline, reading novels, playing tennis, and not having a care in the world. Thats what its all about right there.

Mostly I just need to get away from here. I feel like I am trapped in a soap opera that moves slowly and never ends. Next year will be better because it will be more of a fresh start and maybe everyone will be freinds again. I have realized more than ever lately...The whole chicks before dicks rule..Clearly doesn't apply here. Drives me crazy! People are talking behind each others backs and betraying each other left and right. O well..I'm just watching from the sidelines.

Things at home are going to be stressful too because of everything with Ben that has gone down this past week. I just don't think its going to be as bad as here though. I can handel that. We are hopefully going midnight bowling and playing tennis while I am home. If worse comes to worse we'll just chill...

These next few days I really need to buckle down and get some serios studying and work done. I feel like I am not always applying myself as much as I should be. :-\ So yes...That will be my goal for the next 4 weeks. Because...That is all that is left here! Woot! Next year will be so much better. My roommate situation will be so amazing and I won't be in a freaking forced triple. Gross. That should not even be allowed. When all three of us are in the room it is way too crowded. Anyways scince I am sitting here in Chem at the moment I should probably get going. Happy Hump Day!

Sick and Tired...Literally

To top of the last week...I am now sick. Things start slightly looking up and then, bam, I have a cold, sore throat, and a fever. O well, I'll get over it eventually. I am skipping my saxophone lesson, because the last thing I want to do is blow into that thing. Yum. I do have band later though. Eh. Anyways, emotionally things have been looking up for the most part. At least they have on my side of things. There is still school drama I suppose. I am not sure...People are just causing drama for no apparent reason. But really..Whatev. They can all get over themselves already. We are in freaking college here folks..Not 7th grade.

I am really excited to go home this next weekend! Finally! It is going to be a much needed break. Ben and I will be hanging out of course. That should be interesting. We'll see how that goes. I also think I am going to be painting a mural in Ashley's nursery! Hopefully that works out okay since I have really painted since last year. O how I miss it! I was looking at taking drawing and painting here, but I was looking at the class online and it is already freaking full! They only let 5 people take it! 5! Thats absurd!

Lets see what else is going on? I did figure out my schedule for next year. I am not taking any Biology classes next semester even though I am a Biology major. Haha. I have to take Physics and O-Chem for my science classes. Should be a good time. I also believe that I am going to try and minor in Chem since I will really only need to take like 2 extra classes. Yesterday, Julie and I decided on our new carrer paths. The plan is to become OBGYN's and open our own practice. To be very honest, I think that being a gyno would be a good time. Someone has to do it. Haha. I have pretty much given up on the whole teaching thing since I really don't think I would be comfortable standing in front of an entire classroom of kids all the time. I couldn't handel it. This summer I am really hoping to get a job down at the doctors office! It would be a really great job just to get some experience in, and of course I will need the money now that I have a car to pay for.

Well...This didn't seem like a very productive or powerful post. But I don't have much more to write so I should probably get going and take a nap before running and band. Hope everyone is having productive weeks!

All Problems Involve A Penis

I stonglybelieve that in all ways a penis in involved at the heart of all of a girls problems. It's just really annoying sometimes. At the same time though...It is the guys that tend the keep the girls sane. We might have all killed each other by now if we didn't have those guys friends to sit, listen, and talk us out of doing anything too rash. But then again...If there were no guys..What would girls fight about? Think about it.


This is college people. Get over yourselves already. I'm sick of this. I just wish everyone could be happy and get along, but some people...Ew. They just think they are at the center of the freaking world. Gag me. I have tried to stay out of the drama. Personally I haven't really gotten involved. I just sit on the sidelines taking it all in, observing, and forming my own opinions and conclusions. If some people could just get over themselves already! Maybe I just can't stand overly social people...That might be the case. Instead of sitting back and listening to other people for once they are constantly in the spotlight, worrying only about themselves. It makes me sick. Those are the relationships I tend to abandon as soon as possible.


So not only is there problems on the homefront, things here at school are taking some unexpected twists. I just want to go home now. Away from all of this drama and these stuck up Grover people. Right at this moment the only thing I want to do is go for a long run. Running is the one thing I can do to clear my mind. Breathing heavy, nothing ahead but the road, seat pouring down my back, heart racing, and all of my problems can just flow right down through my feet and onto the pavement. And thats where it stays. My track coach used to tell me to leave everything on the track. It doesn't matter what you are facing at school, at home, at church...Leave it all on the track and never look back.

Blogging has been another escape lately. At least here I know some of my thoughts are being heard. People listen here, even if they don't agree with anything I am saying. If something is wrong I'll just blog about it. I know coming back to these blogs in a few years I won't be able to do anything but laugh about them. I mean lets think about this...In about 5 years, I will have so much more figured out. Hopefully I'll be engaged and I'll have a chosen career path. I think adults that have already been through all of this sometimes forget what it was like to be at this stage in life. Sure once you get married and have a job things aren't going to be easy...But that is just the drama of it all. The drama never ends. Right here, right now we have not only the drama but the confusion of not knowing where we are going to be in 5 years on top of it all. How am I supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life?! I am 18! I'm sorry...But Gowanda didn't really have a wide array of class options to guide me down the correct career path. Maybe I want to be a doctor, maybe a physcologist, a teacher, heck...maybe a stripper.

Alright, well since I have wasted pretty much the entire Chemistry class writing about the story of my life..I must be going. There is just so much to write about and so many areas of life to explore. I could probably write 10 times a day and still have things to say. Intense.

A Tiny Island Where Everything is Better

I wish...I wish there was a tiny island where everything is better. If only. How do I prove myself to someone after messing up so badly? How could I let this happen? How could could I convince myself that love like I had wasn't worth it anymore? Now I see, now my eyes have been opened. Now. After all of this. Now that I have completely torn everything down, I want to start rebuilding. I would completely understand though if that is not what he wanted. He deserves so much better than me, yet he is willing to give me another chance. I want to take that chance and run with it, yet I am hesitant because I do not want to break his heart again. Not to mention I have everyone on his side rooting against me. Or so it seems.

It kind of sucks being the bad person in all of this. I wish people would listen. Would understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say that for people to understand? Nothing happened. I did nothing. I felt confined so I quit because it got hard. But I learned something from that. People who have loved like this should understand what I am saying and where I am coming from. Love is hard. You make mistakes, but most importantly you do learn from those mistakes.

I guess it will take some serious work to prove my devotion to this. Well, I'm willing to work for it. I'll do whatever it takes as long as everything will be okay in the end. It's not even about me. If he is happier without me then so be it, but if he feels anything like I feel...Like I know he does...Then life just wouldn't be the same without each other in it. Even after breaking up we both knew we hadn't reached the end. Thats how it is...

Or like he literally just said...We are like the sting in hercules. They try to break us and we only get stronger. I'm not giving up. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it kills me.

I said that not getting into Geneseo was a sign from the Lord, but maybe it was a different sign. Through all of this...I've learned that I am supposed to stay here. I might even like it here. Despite all of the drama and wierd people...There are things that I do love about it. Like dance parties, vending machines, warriors (prob. my favorite), my computer, watching movies all weekend rather than partying, random trips to McDonalds, and the list goes on and on...The randomness of college is really amazing. When I look back on this year it may not be my favorite, but I think it will be the year I learned the most. I have learned so much about other people its really intense.

The Lord has been so good to me. So good. He knows life is hard, but will never give us anything we can't handel. One thing I have learned...I can't be someones everything. This might not make sense, but let me elaborate. I'm not strong enough or anything enough to be there for someone all of the time. I can't do that. I shouldn't be someones life support because that is too hard. Sure I can listen and I can be strong, but I don't want to be the complete reason for someones happiness of misfortune. Ben figured this out, because even when things were tough..Which they still are...He didn't completely act like the world was crumbling even if he felt like it was. He trusted that what was happening had a reason, that God knew what he was doing. Even if I never talked to him again I think he would have stayed strong and been okay. I think. Hah. Some people don't understand that..I just can't be your everything its too hard. Jesus should be. Jesus wants to be. He wants to carry all of our burdens. We don't have too! How amazing is that?! It just blows my mind.

I am so in love! So in love with an amazing creator who knows what he is doing. Oh he really does. Becca and I took a trip down to the vending machines this evening after everything seemed to be falling apart. We are girls and of course we wanted dark chocolate. Becca places all 85 cents into the mouth of the vending machine, presses the buttons, and out comes 2 (yes TWO!) dove dark chocolate little piece of heaven. I'm not even kidding. It was just like wow...He does love us. Just a little reminder from him when everything seems to be falling down.

Alright well since this post is pretty much longer than anything I have ever written I should probably end it here. I hope this clears some things up for some people. Especially now that I know that people on both sides actually read this thing. Hah. I could change the world! Kidding.

One more thing...I have decided that I am going to write a book about this past week or so. I will go something like this:
Girl has everything.
Girl finds something new and interesting.
Girl lets go of amazing guy.
Crazy crazy crap happens (this is the climax..and i can't ruin it yet).
Girl realizes she has made a huge mistake.
Everyone back home hates girl.
Girl works harder than anything she has ever worked for before.
Happy Ending?

Maybe it will become a movie. Take that story with you to L.A.

For real. I am done now. Goodnight and Happy Monday.

I am so exhaused. I am tired in more than one sene of the word; physically, emotionally, and mentally. So many things have happened this week its almost surreal. Physically I am tired because it is impossible to get any sleep in this room. I've been going to bed late because I have had a lot on my mind and then getting woken up around 6:45 or 7. Depending. Its not that I want to get up...Lets just say that I am really excited that in 4 weeks I will never have to call room 268 mine ever again. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason I really ever wanted to transfer was because of my living situations here. Thats okay though because from now on I can control it. Amen.

Yesterday was one of the scariest and most intense days I have had in a long time. Well, maybe
not yesterday but last night. Where do I even begin? Let me start of my saying that some guys are just scary. Really truly scary. I can't believe that I let myself fall for all of his sweet talking and whatever it was only to find out that I was just going to be used and thrown out like every other girl before me. Who was I to think that I am any different from anyone else? It's a vicious cycle, let me tell you.

I guess I've made some pretty stupid decisions. Breaking up with Ben for one. I had the sweetest guy there for me, and he's still there for me, and I did such a horrible thing. Ahh...And to think that he's still waiting on me to come around. It's a beautiful beautiful thing. That my friends...Is love. I am scared about getting back together, because who knows what the future brings. It's scary. Anything could happen. But at the same time I trut that everything will be okay in the end. It is really nice that I do have Julie an Sadie to talk to about all of this. Its especially nice that Julie is going through much of the same situation. I don't know what I would do without them, because most people here just wouldn't understand. Most people are too "good" to do ever live a little bit and explore something beyond their comfort zone. Well, I certainly did and learned a lot from it.

Anyways, I must get going and start getting ready for my day. I have so much to do today thanks to a long weekend of slacking off. It's okay though...I enjoyed almost every minute of it.

A Tangled Web I Weave

So the past week has been pretty great. Filled with its ups and downs of course, but good for the most part. First of all I must say that I have some of the greatest friends that have been here for me. Julie, Sadie, and I have been hanging out a lot and just being completely crazy. We danced last night away at the marathon. Amazing. Can I just say if I could do that all day, everyday, I freaking would. I was never a big dancer. But lately, for some reason, I've just felt so free. I don't care what people think anymore. I just want to open and be me. It's amazing. I think its the whole being single thing. Not that I have done anything questionable, but its the fact that I can if I want to.

Maybe I'll be regretting breaking up with Ben eventually. I don't know. I can't really tell yet. Sure its hard at times, but I mean...It's supposed to be. I feel like I made the right decision, despite the hard times...Life certainly is not easy. Aside from the breakup, I now feel like I am setting myself up for another heartbreak. Maybe not. Maybe I am wrong. I just have this feeling. Thats not what I want to happen, obviously. It all just seems a little sketch. There is so much I just want to say here! But I can't...Because I don't know who the hell reads this.

So today was amazing. Woke up and went for a nice long run...Probably about 9 miles or so. I was tired though because I made the mistake of taking yesterday off. Bad plan. But I made it through. Let's see..Then this afternoon Sadie, Julie, John, and I went shopping and out to pizza hut. It was amazing. I am really excited to be rooming with them next year. We decided its just going to be a 24/7 dance party.

Alright I need to get a move on and finish cleaning here and then start some serious work. I have done nothing so far this weekend. Ew...I just have a really bad feeling about stuff right now and I don't like it. I just wish someone would tell me that it is all going to be okay and that I am doing the right thing, but no one does. Hmm.

Suffering Only Makes Us Stronger

So these past few weeks have been extremely intense. Filled with ups and downs, disappointments and some happiness. First of all, can we please just disregard the last post? Yes, I was hating this place...Lets be honest. I wasn't really talking to or hanging out with anyone and I can't stand living in this room. Things have gotten much better here though. I still hate living in this room, but I started to see that next year things are going to be much different and a lot more fun. I've got super fun roommates lined up for next year!

Yes, I am staying here. I am about 90% sure of that. I got rejected from Geneseo today. It's okay. A few days ago that would have been the most devestating news ever, but today I feel confident that they made the right decision in not accepting me. I let go of one of the greatest people in my life on Monday. It was extremely hard to do, but I really believe that it was the right decision, at least for now. I mean who knows what God has planned!

People probably think I am crazy for letting go of such a great guy, and maybe I am. But I felt confined and I just want to see what else is out there. I felt like I was starting to make decisions not based on what was best for me, but on what would suit or relationship better. That's just a bad plan. I am actually happy that I am staying here next year, because there are a lot of people that I would have missed a lot.

Lately, this room here has been pretty intense. It's like walking on egg shells because you never know which one of us is going to be crying. Well, Jenna doesn't cry...But Becca and I. Someone is always crying. Haha. O well...I believe things are only going to keep getting better from here. I still can't believe that Geneseo rejected me. That just hurts a little, but maybe the temptation of getting in would have been too strong and that would have driven me there. I'm going to be okay though...Better than okay..I'll be amazing. Our sufferings only make us stronger..That is for sure the truth!

On a happier note I have been a running fiend lately. It's just so comforting. When I run I don't have to worry about school or relationships or anything stressful. I can just run and run and run listening to nothing but my own breating and blood pounding in my ears. It's just a great feeling. Some other good things have also been happening. :-) So I know and trust that everything will be just great! Anyways, it is probably time that I get going because I need a shower since I just got done running. Then its off to jazz band, and finally some seriously hanging out and watching hockey. God Bless!